Matters of the Heart.Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help.
[QUOTE=Hurricane88;9716964]this is very common case...relationship deteriorate because of after birth...think your wife suffered from after birth depression and over protective of baby...typical of VB loving the baby...
I dun think there is an immediate solution but a patient approach...sit down and listen to both sides story...then counsel your sister...request her not to on TV and computer too loudly when baby is trying to sleep...QUOTE]
Thanks Hurricane88! I think she is having post-natal depression too but i dont have the extras to bring her to psychiatrist and since im looking for job, i have been home taking care, showing her concern and love to her and my kid for almost 2 months....
I have been trying to talk to both, my sis got her own thinking and that she say we always watch tv while the baby trying to sleep. So i cant say her much on it.
My kid always wake up every 2 hours of sleep, driving me mad!! so creating a routine for him doesnt seem to woke as he wakes up and sleep whenever he wants, he drinks full bottle, pukes 1/2 of it up.
tell your bx to bring baby to room when its time to let baby sleep.
tell your sister to use less of living room and take note of baby sleeping time.
tell both that you are in a difficult situation as you are between them and ask them to understand
Thanks Bro Kangtuo for advise, i told bx to bring baby into room but the baby "Yao Lan" is in the living room - its quite huge to put into the room (can be done but abit squeezy) and she dislike staying in the room whole day too..
I told my sister about my difficulties and her reply was... "I only comes home after work sometimes after 10pm out with friends, weekends only get to stay at home to relax, sometimes out with her friends. And ever since the quarrel, i stay in the room most of the time when im home & the babys got no sleeping timing is not fix".
I tried being the mediator but whenever i try to help talk to my bx abt it, she thinks im siding my sister and get angry with me. Im still screwed, my sister just show black face to my bx and my bx complains to me.
It is crazy to borrow money to get married.... and worst, no money still pay 10K for dowry.
Guess your wife after birth is having "mental/emotional disorder".... over protecting her baby and not according to her wish, she will break down. Your sis who is used to her normal life now has to adjust to your wife's demand which definitely will cause conflict.
It is a difficult situation which there is no right solution. Just have to talk to both parties and tolerance is needed from both side.
Thanks bro Naemlo! yes i know its crazy to borrow money to get married but i have no choice...... as she was carrying my kid early 2011. My parents didnt accept her and we went through alot to be together. She wanted to leave me and said she will take care of the kid herself but i begged my parents to approve her and went ahead to hold a wedding in Vietnam. Yes the 10K was like a dowry to let her mum do business.
Indeed i guess theres no best solution, they simply ignore each others presence now. My sister just go straight to her room when shes back.
You should talk to your wife more often to resolve this. I think she having post partum depression. Bring her to see a doctor if possible. You can talk to your sister regarding this. Let her know that your wife may suffer from depression. This will help your wife too
Hi bro Fireshark, i have been talking to my wife regularly about it but she refuses to listen and keep saying i side my sister and that i prioritise parents and siblings over her and kid. which is not true! Then she starts crying and i have to console her and the cycle starts whenever i try to try talk to her. As for my sister, she just couldnt care less abt what i say.
Without a decent saving and still owe money, u suggested to buy a flat?? Min furniture plus misc stuffs will still cost thousands.... U expect to move into a flat with just a mattress n 2 pillows?
Hi bros - naemlo & stabilo@spore, currently not possible to buy a flat, im still paying loans and still looking for a new job. I had some savings, but... my best friend(then) loan a sum of money from me and run away. haha im just down on luck, betrayed by people i trust, now when im in debt, only my parents are the ones to help me.
only ur sis watch tv in the house???...nothing happen between ur wife and ur parents when they watch tv?
why not move the computer into ur sis's room then?
and ask ur wife to let ur kid sleep in the bedroom instead...both parties got to be more considerate in order to have a happy family..i am sure ur incident occurs not bcos ur wife is a Vietnamese..this type of matter can happen in any family with new born baby.
and wow!!!!....ur in laws actually ask for a $10k dowry..
thats the biggest amount that i have known off..lots of my friends marry Vietnamese as well,and usually the dowry is 40 mills Vnd which is about $2.4k.
No bro, my parents and all of us watch tv in the living room, thats what my sister said that my bx is against her, picking a fuss with what she does. The computer is a laptop, its mobile. My sister was already watch the show in the living, just when the baby wanted to sleep, we try to coax him in the "baby springer". I tried to persuade my wife to let the kid sleep in the bedroom, but the "baby springer" is kinda huge so its abit inconvienent to move it ard to our room.
yeahh, 10K is like a dowry for her mum to do business...........
My in law never ask specifically for dowry... All decided by my bx.
They took all the ang bao money which i dunno how much
Bro if you dont mind sharing, how much did you spend for your wedding in vietnam? All in all, my bx and family arranged the wedding in their hometown, cost me around another 10K odd? Includes photo shoot, dinner, "4 dian jin" etc haha everything in vietnam doesnt seems so cheap afterall!
My in law never ask specifically for dowry... All decided by my bx.
They took all the ang bao money which i dunno how much
yes,ur case is another option where the in laws will take all the ang pow money to be meant as dowry...dowry of $10k from the TS is a bit too much in my opinion,this amount is more then enough to cover the expenses for the whole wedding including dowry.
My in law never ask specifically for dowry... All decided by my bx.
They took all the ang bao money which i dunno how much
I am also lucky I guess. I also never paid any dowry, only help bx with around 3k SGD with house renovations / furniture. In laws no Ang bao to take, as we did not hold any wedding in VN, only in SG and invited in laws over. SG Ang bao all I keep ! Hehe
Would appreciate advise to resolve this issue. I cant move out now as i am currently paying off loans from the bank which i borrowed from the bank for the wedding in vietnam and dowry $10k to baxa mom.
I had just married this July but I had spend total of 10K. All the ang paos are kept by my mother in law. My 10K expenditure include
Photo Taking and Videocam;
10 pre Wedding Tables in the Night;
40 Wedding Tables in the morning;
Karaoke Session at Wedding;
Jewellery for my Bx;
I don't know if it expensive but felt the the food is tasty and the wedding photo is pretty and good. Hope this information is sufficient for you
__________________
Happy Bonkings and Must Remeber to Pay $$$ Orh !!!
Bro if you dont mind sharing, how much did you spend for your wedding in vietnam? All in all, my bx and family arranged the wedding in their hometown, cost me around another 10K odd? Includes photo shoot, dinner, "4 dian jin" etc haha everything in vietnam doesnt seems so cheap afterall!
your bx family arranged for you... so it is correct that you spent 10K odd.. because they add on tips for themselve
mine is as below...
Quote:
Originally Posted by KangTuo
I think is $6K+++
I gave my bx $4k to settle all the wedding things, $2K to buy gold, few hundreds on the transports, airticket, misc...
Quote:
Originally Posted by KangTuo
just a break down on my wedding and ROM for bro interested to know and take it as a guide for the planning.
ROM
wedding band - $900
chalet + table chair rental - $250
food - $300
drinks and beer - $200
table decoration - $300
translator $250
solemnizer ang bao - $50
(of course recover a portion from the ang bao friends give)
Customary
4 gold - $2100
banquet + tentage + stage and sound + gown rental and makeup - $4000
photography - $250 (included in the $4k)... was quoted $150 but after taking photo and see my bx marry a foreigner, he up the charge
5 x customary wedding gift (betle nuts, candle light, cakes etc) - $150 (included in the $4k)
tansport to province - $100
my airticket - $180
misc - unknown.. so its +++
My kid always wake up every 2 hours of sleep, driving me mad!! so creating a routine for him doesnt seem to woke as he wakes up and sleep whenever he wants, he drinks full bottle, pukes 1/2 of it up.
The older he is, the longer he will sleep.... takes time..
Quote:
Originally Posted by littleleroy
Thanks Bro Kangtuo for advise, i told bx to bring baby into room but the baby "Yao Lan" is in the living room - its quite huge to put into the room (can be done but abit squeezy) and she dislike staying in the room whole day too..
can don't use yao lan.. it will be better for you. in case your kid get toooo used to it.
your bx dislike staying in room whole day. but did you tell her to stay in room whole day? only bring baby to room to let him sleep then she can come out of the room liao mah..
yeahh, 10K is like a dowry for her mum to do business...........
what business? you got share?
so now that you sponsor your in loaw to do business, it means they are self sustain right? do you still need to send monthly allowance to them?
My kid always wake up every 2 hours of sleep, driving me mad!! so creating a routine for him doesnt seem to woke as he wakes up and sleep whenever he wants, he drinks full bottle, pukes 1/2 of it up.
after 3 months baby can be put to a routine...dun let baby sleep too much in the day...let baby be active and play with baby by talking to baby...let baby sleep only after a bath or freshen up...create an environment similar to hospital by wrapping baby and sleep in the dark...like i mentioned after 7pm never let baby sleep...keep baby awake till 10pm and clean baby with warm wet towel...change clothes and diaper...full feed and let baby sleep in the dark no lights on...at nite even if baby tries to wake up by crying, never get up and feed...after one to two weeks...baby knew nobody bother and no feed...baby will sleep through out...so next feed is 6am...all have good nite rest...then you can make more babies too...haha...
I know the above routine is not easy implemented especially for first time parents and living with grandparents...but if you want to have a good nite sleep then have to do it...no other choice...provided baby is well and not ill...good luck...
__________________
Info threads are for field reports...if you want to chat post in tcss thread
Please do not post when you PM somebody
Please Do Not reply long post, always edit...
may zap and remove post
19-09-2013, 02:30 PM
[QUOTE=Hurricane88;9716964]this is very common case...relationship deteriorate because of after birth...think your wife suffered from after birth depression and over protective of baby...typical of VB loving the baby...
Re: Understanding Vietnamese Life Partner
