Confession and failed marriage

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

Of course there was an investment. That's exactly what the act of getting married and starting a family is. The game didn't commence when he was unfaithful. It started from the day he decided to marry.

This is so pathetic.
His marriage got nothing to do with this investment at all.
The investment now is whether its viable to salvage his marriage.

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

However, he didn't follow the rules of the game and lost heavily. There is no way he can win with the hand he currently holds. He should throw in the towel and walk away so he can nurse his wounds, reflect and recover.

This is a very selfish and lack of responsibility stance, guess it works for you.
To nurture your own wounds and dun give a fuck of the wound you inflicted on your spouse and family!

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

Cutting losses can be painful but there are times when it is the right thing to do. By taking a long term view of life, he'll be able to put this relationship behind him and move on.

Wrong.
The term cutting losses is to reduce the pain inflicted on oneself.
Self centered way of thinking.
A family should be united as one!
You're saying, save his own arse and let his wife and kid burn for his deeds.
You're so noble.
Wat did you learn in skippyland?
No wonder divorce rates there are world renowned, let alone, aussie bitches are known to be the easiest to bed in the world!
Saw this on SBS when i was in monash years ago doin me masters

[hugs]

call it a woman intuition but boss i think if he leaves the wife, the losses is heavier leh. i think he needs her more than she needs him leh.....looks to me she is the pillar n the one anchoring while he is the follower...................so thats why now when she show it to him that she kind of decided to stop moving forward he very the lost n start to see how badly he needs her liao n thus keep saying i love her very much but more like i need u to continue to lead this family(if love her very much then today this wont happen la...) then somemore like older now liao n got kids n so soon maintenance fee blah blah i doubt the next marriage he moving on will be any better leh. so better to save this one n make happy ending in this marriage cos got higher chance than the next. so this is a better bet/ investment what men like to call it lah but then is purely my thot, i can be wrong.

[hugs]

ok this one is to boss n bro-do-u-bj,

well even a guy like u know who regretted a yr later so i am quite certain TS will regret if this marriage ends.

2ndly, he is super lost when caught with his pants down, so i suspect he is also used to having his wife poke him on his weak spot instead of him poking her n since he managed to find a girl like that who can do this n have kids with him let him try now to do his part lah. boss she deserves it from him lah even if in the end she decided to divorce still at least for one time she got to feel good mah seeing he tried.

3rdly, boss i know if a girl ever try to boss u ard u will show her whose boss, but for TS he happy to be the puppy under the skirt type la n enjoy being pampered(i can be wrong). he not same like u mah, macho man. he dont know how to go for a kill type one cos he doesnt seem to know what to do when now got competition( those his wife on phone 24/7 with, if u i am sure u show her whose boss liao if she ever 24/7 for 1 day) u will give her a either work on it or ship out but TS not u not like that mah so we dont teach him what he cannot become loh.

lastly, both boss n bro-do u bj r top guns type so calm down calm down 2 tigers on 1 mountain i mean this thread is a rare sight happens only once every 4 yrs so little spark no harm but dont make firework b4 national day k

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Originally Posted by hugs

lastly, both boss n bro-do u bj r top guns type so calm down calm down 2 tigers on 1 mountain i mean this thread is a rare sight happens only once every 4 yrs so little spark no harm but dont make firework b4 national day k

Hugs, one mountain CAN NEVER have 2 tigers.
FYI, this TS scenario and stuff i mentioned is all based on experience.
I've walked this path before.
One of my wives, the one you met before, did me wrong & I threw her out of the house.
She preserved and won back my trust after i emotionally tormented her for 2 straight years.
She could have walked away, but she didnt.
You bear witness to the result!
That's why i keep emphasising, this investment, is worth it.
Cos if it succeeds, the result will even be sweeter before any investment was made!

[hugs]

yup die also must die from ur hand i think women u lock target on find u irresistible n i think she cannot find another guy quite the same like u.

[shoei]

Originally Posted by hugs

TS,

maybe she is on phone 24/7 cos u r always at work instead of trying to spend time with her doing things n talking with her n making her feel u love her very much altho u keep saying it to us but u r not saying it n showing it to her?

besides, she felt u betrayed her so she doesnt feel it fair that she MUST forgive u or the need to even try. thats ur job buddy if u find her not forgiving u then its ur job to work ON her.

give up contact with outside world for the moment n concentrate on the most important woman of ur world now, i am sure u know nthg abt her after all these yrs in marriage becos when problem comes u cant find her weak spot. looks to me u r only beginning to know her now n u dont know how to make the first move, u need to wait for her to forgive u or for her to try b4 u know what to do next(aka respond). i dont know will she be happier with some new guy cos statistic showed 2nd marriage has higher divorce rate but i am begining to suspect she isnt very happy with u all along thats why she seem to want to totally cut u off now. thats why when some bro ask me what i think of husband who looks for wl/fl etc, is to always remember to be sweet to ur wife consistently n simultaneously. while spending time to know the other women, also must know ur own woman mah.

Thank you for your advice esp from the other point of view.
I spend time with her and tried to talk to her. But everytime talk about feelings, she gets fed up. All efforts are deflected and rebound back on my face. Honestly i agree with you that i do not know her weak spots. i need to learn to understand her better and i also feel that i am only beginning to know her.

U hit the bulls eyes. I seems lost and dont know what to do/feel. Sometimes i just shut myself up with everything else.

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by DO_YOU_BJ

You're saying, save his own arse and let his wife and kid burn for his deeds.
You're so noble.

His wife and kids will be a lot better off without him. He should walk away so they have an opportunity to find someone more worthy.

Your continued personal attacks on me are starting to annoy me. All I'm doing is presenting my take on the matter. No two people will view an issue from exactly the same perspective and just because my recommendations happen to meet with your disapproval in no way gives you the right to launch into a tirade about my values and to make sweeping statements about a whole country.

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by shoei

I spend time with her and tried to talk to her. But everytime talk about feelings, she gets fed up. All efforts are deflected and rebound back on my face.

Women hate men who grovel. The more you plead, the less she'll respect you.

Walk away. Tell her you're giving her space to breath. With luck, she'll start missing you at some point down the road. She'll then make contact and the reconciliation process can then begin.

You're supposed to be the man of the house so you need to act like a man not a pussy.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

His wife and kids will be a lot better off without him. He should walk away so they have an opportunity to find someone more worthy.

Your continued personal attacks on me are starting to annoy me. All I'm doing is presenting my take on the matter. No two people will view an issue from exactly the same perspective and just because my recommendations happen to meet with your disapproval in no way gives you the right to launch into a tirade about my values and to make sweeping statements about a whole country.

Ok, your point duly noted and agree.
My bad

[shoei]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

Women hate men who grovel. The more you plead, the less she'll respect you.

Walk away. Tell her you're giving her space to breath. By luck, she'll start missing you at some point down the road. She'll then make contact and the reconciliation process can then begin.

You're supposed to be the man of the house so you need to act like a man not a pussy.

Dear owner, thank you for your prespective. I appreciate your point of view. To a certain extent, i wish i can be as cool as you to open another chapter of my life.

Like what you said, no two people will view an issue from exactly the same perspective with the same background and experiences. hence i do see where you are coming from and i really thank you for your advices and sharing. i know you meant good but everyone has a choice to decide whats best for them.

[newyorker88]

Originally Posted by shoei

I agree with you that counselling is more effective if both parties attend together.

But the problem is my wife states very clearly that she is not going to work for the marriage. she is only staying in for the kids. So she is unwilling to go for it.

Counselling works BECOS 2 parties are willing to attend. Give her some time. Let her understand that even she is physically there for the kid, the kid will be AFFECTED, becos the family is BROKEN. Get someone in family to relate this to her, if she stays for the kid, she HAS to forgive you, and mend the family. Physically being with the kid will not solve the problem just like that.

Counselling from professional may be an option. There are other "counselors" who may be more effective too... people whom she trust, her parents, sisters..... of cos, you got to put in effort to show them that you are going to change....

To error is human, to admit is courage, to forgive is divine.......

[benz180]

Originally Posted by shoei

Thank you for your advice esp from the other point of view.
I spend time with her and tried to talk to her. But everytime talk about feelings, she gets fed up. All efforts are deflected and rebound back on my face. Honestly i agree with you that i do not know her weak spots. i need to learn to understand her better and i also feel that i am only beginning to know her.

U hit the bulls eyes. I seems lost and dont know what to do/feel. Sometimes i just shut myself up with everything else.

TS,

I suggest you give her some space, let her have time to think over the incident. Whatever you want to say or promised had already done so, now is time to put into action. Unlike in BGR situation that she can easily walk away, she is also considering alot of other factors before taking the divorce route. No need to spend time knowing her weak spot, just spend time to work on your sincerity. No woman will turn down a sincere heart.

[hugs]

ok i am out of here i got nthg to contribute n i dont want to see different opinions turning into unneccessary dispute especially when everybody's intention is for good n the attention is supposed to be on TS.(altho it was hot watching boss n bro-do-u-bj playing ping pong with each other)

gdbye


note to ponder.. can it co-exist..knowing her weak spot while working on his sincerity? going for counselling while also to get some family members involvement? giving her space to realise she misses u but not too much in case she got over u(she dont seem to lack suitors by the look of thing) while trying to work on the marriage(talking to her abt feeling when she isnt ready is not what i mean by spending time talking btw, that is call banging head on closed door n i dont wish to further explain anymore cos i dont want to carry on contributing n then all i see is us bros confusing u with too many different opinion in the end altho is for good intention).

[porscheclub]

TS, u have not spoken about your kids. How old are they now & how much do u love them? How much time have you been spending with them?

Your wife, give her time. 6 months to over a year. She needs it & stop becoming a moron now when she starts talking to other men. U betrayed her & this is the price to pay. I suppose you are not sleeping with her now, not to mention getting close.

Take the family out & enjoy it, since she's in this for kids, she'll have to go along & act happy. Maybe she'll see your sincerity.

Does your parents including in-laws know? Come clean, family members help & show that you're 110% remorseful & 200% willing to make it up.

After 6 months-1 yr & if she still give you ice. I would suggest you heed boss advice. Get out & start clean BUT DON'T EVER get married again.

Good luck & take control, you're spinning....

[see see only]

Originally Posted by shoei

Thank you bro for your advice. I see light from the words u shared.

Care to clarify what u meant when u say take control?

Mate,

OMG how should i start ......... i dont know your wife, you should be the one who know all her soft spot.

But if you give in to her everytime and everything she asked then is about time you stop giving in to everything she want. Including this patch back period and especially this patch back period.

I believe she is at this moment as confuse as you, on whether to get back togther or not. But that's does not mean you have to give in to everything.

Tell her clearly your intention that you are sorry and do not want to leave her and the children but yet you still need your space & your life.

Anyway now she already have the intention to leave you, so if you make her stay, by you giving in to all her requests. You guys better just go seperate ways because this wont be a happy ending.

But if she still staying, mean she hope to stay, you better just improve a bit but maintain some space of your own ............ this is for a really long term patch back.


Hope this can help