Confession and failed marriage

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Originally Posted by hugs

ok i am out of here i got nthg to contribute n i dont want to see different opinions turning into unneccessary dispute especially when everybody's intention is for good n the attention is supposed to be on TS.(altho it was hot watching boss n bro-do-u-bj playing ping pong with each other)

gdbye

Holy cow, wat happened to your pts woman???????
Boss man bully weak defenseless woman ah??????
Wahahahahaha
Pls clear your mailbox hor, baskit pm you buay sai leh

[shoei]

Originally Posted by porscheclub

TS, u have not spoken about your kids. How old are they now & how much do u love them? How much time have you been spending with them?

Your wife, give her time. 6 months to over a year. She needs it & stop becoming a moron now when she starts talking to other men. U betrayed her & this is the price to pay. I suppose you are not sleeping with her now, not to mention getting close.

Take the family out & enjoy it, since she's in this for kids, she'll have to go along & act happy. Maybe she'll see your sincerity.

Does your parents including in-laws know? Come clean, family members help & show that you're 110% remorseful & 200% willing to make it up.

After 6 months-1 yr & if she still give you ice. I would suggest you heed boss advice. Get out & start clean BUT DON'T EVER get married again.

Good luck & take control, you're spinning....

Thanks bro for your concerns. My kids are very young, both less than 4 years old. We have been still going out as a family and she does enjoys the company in a family.

In fact, we do still make love to each other say once a week. But this confuses me. If she does not want to forgive me, why have sex with me? could there be other reasons to it?

My in laws knows about this and i have apologised to them and told them that i will change. They advise me to cool down and leave my wife alone for the time being. As a matter of fact, the affair was discovered 3 months ago. things have been going up and down... and yes i am spinning...

[benz180]

Originally Posted by shoei

Thanks bro for your concerns. My kids are very young, both less than 4 years old. We have been still going out as a family and she does enjoys the company in a family.

In fact, we do still make love to each other say once a week. But this confuses me. If she does not want to forgive me, why have sex with me? could there be other reasons to it?

My in laws knows about this and i have apologised to them and told them that i will change. They advise me to cool down and leave my wife alone for the time being. As a matter of fact, the affair was discovered 3 months ago. things have been going up and down... and yes i am spinning...

TS,

If you are stilling have sex with your wife... you are in good shape. Stay on course with many family activities, you will see light pretty soon. As chinese saying, 不要钻牛角尖。

Good luck.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Originally Posted by shoei

In fact, we do still make love to each other say once a week. But this confuses me. If she does not want to forgive me, why have sex with me? could there be other reasons to it?

What you did to her has made her very angry and disappointed in you.
What you see in her display of anger and resentment is that of her anger side.
When she made love to you, she made love on the notion of being your wife.
This is a very healthy sign and you should thanks the lord that this is still possible.
If your wife is totally disgusted wif you, trust me, she wont even let you touch her, let alone penetrate her.

Originally Posted by shoei

My in laws knows about this and i have apologised to them and told them that i will change. They advise me to cool down and leave my wife alone for the time being. As a matter of fact, the affair was discovered 3 months ago. things have been going up and down... and yes i am spinning...

Since its already an open secret, do not let any little signs sway your objective.
Remember, you can be intimate wif her now, after a while, she will have a mood swing!~~~~~~~did i hit the jackpot?
That why you spin & dunno what's wif her correct?
The tots of your betrayal will shoot straight back into her once she feels at peace during your intimacy, thus such a reaction.
Allow time to heal herself, and in the meantime, just focus on being a good daddy & hubby.......at the rate things are goin, it'll be fine soon.

Remember my fren, slow and steady wins the race!

[newyorker88]

Originally Posted by shoei

Thanks bro for your concerns. My kids are very young, both less than 4 years old. We have been still going out as a family and she does enjoys the company in a family.

In fact, we do still make love to each other say once a week. But this confuses me. If she does not want to forgive me, why have sex with me? could there be other reasons to it?

My in laws knows about this and i have apologised to them and told them that i will change. They advise me to cool down and leave my wife alone for the time being. As a matter of fact, the affair was discovered 3 months ago. things have been going up and down... and yes i am spinning...

TS, glad to hear this... that your wife is still with you, being a mother to the kids... I guess, she still loves you and care for the kids, as she mention before, she is willing to stay for the kids. Wounds take time to heal, and remember not to do it again. Ongoing family outings and care for each other will help to make the recovery process faster.

Just be nice to her, and things will sort out eventually. Most importantly is the COMMUNICATION channel. Remember, once the communication stops, it is over. Keep on going, the conversations, daily, be it abou the kids, the house, some furniture, food she cook, or movies you all watch together, be it any topic..

Of cos, she may at times, get angry or emotional... But these are part and parcel of her releasing her vent up emotions, and anger... Just accept it, as if you want to mend the relationship... No bad things last forever... Eventually she will forgive you over time...

Stay strong and log in here... there are many kind brothers who are willing to give you support... in terms of encouragement and wise advice. Of cos, there are some who are nasty and crude... Again, it is up to you to choose and look to the brighter side of life.

[arsenal_84]

i think TS should be her punching bag in the meanwhile.

if verbal communication is not working for her, you can always sms her just to let her know that you still care about her...
no need to input too lengthly sentences, keep it short and simple.

is the actions you put in that is going to touch her, not words.

[shoei]

Originally Posted by arsenal_84

i think TS should be her punching bag in the meanwhile.

if verbal communication is not working for her, you can always sms her just to let her know that you still care about her...
no need to input too lengthly sentences, keep it short and simple.

is the actions you put in that is going to touch her, not words.

Thanks for the advice. True, words are limited. actions speak louder than words. I am trying to "date" her again, maybe a new love can occur with new mindset.

I need to keep a cool head.

[shoei]

Originally Posted by DO_YOU_BJ

What you did to her has made her very angry and disappointed in you.
What you see in her display of anger and resentment is that of her anger side.
When she made love to you, she made love on the notion of being your wife.
This is a very healthy sign and you should thanks the lord that this is still possible.
If your wife is totally disgusted wif you, trust me, she wont even let you touch her, let alone penetrate her.

Remember my fren, slow and steady wins the race!

Sometime she just ask me to keep quiet when having sex. Is this behaviour normal?

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Originally Posted by shoei

Sometime she just ask me to keep quiet when having sex. Is this behaviour normal?

Basically like the bro said, action speaks louder than words.....
So action more bro tok less

[orneryjoe]

TS...

You probably shouldn't blame yourself too much because you cannot help doing what you did. None of us can.

Genetically, you have been made to want to couple with multiple partners. Given the right circumstances and opportunities, most men will do just that.

Monogamy is an acculturalised attitude that is not the only viable paradigm. It may be almost impossible for some people to think beyond the monogamy paradigm, but that cannot be helped either. Sometimes, though, a bit of reflection by all parties concerned, plus an exposure to alternative ways of thinking about relationships may lead to viewing things from a different and a broader perspective -- thus avoiding all the unnecessary hurt and angst that comes about when one partner discovers that he/she has been "cheated".

Good luck.

[porscheclub]

Originally Posted by shoei

In fact, we do still make love to each other say once a week. But this confuses me.

Originally Posted by shoei

Sometime she just ask me to keep quiet when having sex. Is this behaviour normal?

OK, case close. Stop logging in here & report again in 2~3months. Put your mind to organising a holiday camp.

FYI, mine took more than 6 months to settle only to step on landmines again

[Canoneos]

What made her fall in love with you in the first place? Think about that. Are any of those qualities still in you or have you lost them?

[shoei]

Originally Posted by porscheclub

OK, case close. Stop logging in here & report again in 2~3months. Put your mind to organising a holiday camp.

FYI, mine took more than 6 months to settle only to step on landmines again

what mines? Care to share more?

[powerman61]

I've seen how my dad survive this kind of same situation. He just keep quiet n let my mom bitch n scold him n threaten him. He just carry on as per normal at home as a husband n father. Just grit his teeth n take the storm. Be the family man the woman wants u to be. U will never be forgiven not to mention forgetting yr past sins by yr wife. But rest be assured she will cont to love u but forever u will live under this shadow. It's been more than 30 yrs now between my mom n dad and even now at their age of 70, my mom will occasionally suspect n bring up this story n also still scold my dad. But deep down she can't live without him so TS, u still got chance. Just grit n bear it all in this storm. It works cos I've seen it.

[shoei]

Originally Posted by powerman61

I've seen how my dad survive this kind of same situation. He just keep quiet n let my mom bitch n scold him n threaten him. He just carry on as per normal at home as a husband n father. Just grit his teeth n take the storm. Be the family man the woman wants u to be. U will never be forgiven not to mention forgetting yr past sins by yr wife. But rest be assured she will cont to love u but forever u will live under this shadow. It's been more than 30 yrs now between my mom n dad and even now at their age of 70, my mom will occasionally suspect n bring up this story n also still scold my dad. But deep down she can't live without him so TS, u still got chance. Just grit n bear it all in this storm. It works cos I've seen it.

as a child, who told u about the affair ur father had? is ur father happy?