Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[SibueyJiaLat]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

I have a girlfriend who is a police officer.
When she misses me, she just comes to my house in uniform and arrests me in the presence of my wife and takes me to her home till the next day.

Then she brings me back and tells my wife: ''We are not done with Investigations yet. I shall pick him up anytime we want more from him......!!!“

And My Innocent wife will always say : ''Madam Officer, God Bless you for handling my Husband's Case with care & I Will Make Sure He Is Always Available Anytime You Need Him......!!!!''

*Moral of the story is...*
*Gift a Police Officer's Uniform to your Girlfriend..!!*
😊😊😊

Nice joke and hope to read more.

Thank you for sharing.

[dyelook]

This is another level of scam, take note guys!
-
Warning: this happen to a close friend of mine and it could happen to you !!!

This is his story

I got to know a girl on facebook, she is beautiful, and sexy... After chatting with her for sometime, I feel deeply attracted to her.

Yesterday she invited me to her house saying that she is alone because her husband is away on a business trip.

I was very cautious and asked: Is there a possibility that your husband will return suddenly.

She said: No, but in the event if he does turn up. You just say that you are from the cleaning company and was sent to cleanup the house. Just pretend to be cleaning the glass or something. Anyway, the New Year is coming, my husband won't doubt it.

The next day i was at her house and by sheer coincidence, not even a minute pass and her husband came home. I didn’t even get the chance to held her hand.

I immediately pretend to be a cleaner carrying my job. With the hubby watching me and giving me all kind of instructions from wiping the windows, cleaning the kitchen to washing the floor. He even make me tidy up all the bedrooms and wash both the bathrooms...

After a tedious 8 hours of hardwork and I was ready to leave.

Her husband asked: How much for your service ?
She immediately said: I have already paid the company.

Along the way home. The more I think about it, the more I felt cheated...

Chinese New Year is less than 2 weeks away, cleaners are difficult to find, beware of this scam.

Every man should be alerted ...

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by dyelook

Her husband asked: How much for your service ?
She immediately said: I have already paid the company.

Along the way home. The more I think about it, the more I felt cheated...

Chinese New Year is less than 2 weeks away, cleaners are difficult to find, beware of this scam.

Every man should be alerted ...

Good joke and free labor...

[malaysiapig]

nice joke

[Piledriver]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

*DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM*

We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If
anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14.'With the
folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the
Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, 'F.. You!'

Without flinching, she smiled and said, (I love this bit) 'I'm sorry,
sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too .

Hilarious! That attendant must be given the best service staff of the year award.

If only the poor driver of that bus no.13 had read this, and used the same tactic on that fucktard who took taxi, chased down the bus and verbally abused him. That will be fun to watch

[Hurricane88]

Intelligently entertaining!

🔲🔘 *।। Math Puns ।।* 🔘🔲

*1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?*
Because he would have to convert.

*2. Why do plants hate maths?*
It gives them square roots.

*3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?*
It was a mean thing to say!

*4. Why was the math book depressed?*
It had a lot of problems.

*5. Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated?*
Because it is never right.

*6. Why can you never trust a maths teacher holding graphing paper?*
He must be plotting something.

*7. Why was the equal sign so humble?*
Because she knew she wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.

*8.Did you hear the one about the statistician?*
Probably.

*9.What do you call students who love maths?*
Algebros.

*10. I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig. I’ll even do statistics.*
But graphing is where I draw the line!

*11. Why are parallel lines so tragic if they have so much in common?*
It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

*12. How do you warm in any room?*
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.

*13. Why is six afraid of seven?*
Because seven eight ( "ate") nine!

*14. Why does nobody talk to a circle?*
Because there is no point.

[Hurricane88]

Camels 🐫 🐪 🐫 !!
A father left 17 Camels as an Asset for his Three Sons.

When the Father passed away, his sons opened up the will.

The Will of the Father stated that the Eldest son should get Half of 17 Camels,

The Middle Son should be given 1/3rd of 17 Camels,

Youngest Son should be given 1/9th of the 17 Camels,

As it is not possible to divide 17 into half or 17 by 3 or 17 by 9, the sons started to fight with each other.

So, they decided to go to a wise man.

The wise man listened patiently about the Will. The wise man, after giving this thought, brought one camel of his own & added the same to 17. That increased the total to 18 camels.

Now, he started reading the deceased father’s will.

Half of 18 = 9.
So he gave 9 camels
to the eldest son.

1/3rd of 18 = 6.
So he gave 6 camels
to the middle son.

1/9th of 18 = 2.
So he gave 2 camels
to the youngest son.

Now add this up:
9 + 6 + 2 = 17 &
This leaves 1 camel,
which the wise man took back.

MORAL: The attitude of negotiation & problem solving is to find the 18th camel i.e. the common ground. Once a person is able to find the common ground, the issue is resolved. It is difficult at times.

However, to reach a solution, the first step is to believe that there is a solution. If we think that there is no solution, we won’t be able to reach any!

If you liked this story, please share with all. You might spark a thought, inspire & possibly change a life forever

Author Unknown 😜😜

[etsys]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Camels 🐫 🐪 🐫 !!

Author Unknown 😜😜

Lovely.

Here's my little one, possible repeat

[ah rat]

________________

[diputs1269]

Originally Posted by ah rat

________________

Very true, extremely secured, cheers!

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[Hurricane88]

[Hurricane88]

Absolute Killer!!!

😎The difference between Oo and oO

Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.

The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time.
I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use.
I'll see you back in court Monday.

"On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?

""Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever.

""Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it? "

"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o.

Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," says the judge.

Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"Wow!" says the judge.

"156 people! How did you manage to do that?"

"Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says.
"I drew two circles like this: o O.

Then I pointed to the little circle and said,

This is your asshole before prison .................. 😂
🤔😔😟

[SBMEDSUP]

Thanks for nice jokes.

[Hurricane88]

This joke deserves a salute:

A man goes home after being fired from his job at a chips factory

Wife is surprised because the man was employee of the month for 10 months in a row.

She asks "What happened?"

"I got fired for putting my penis in the potato cutter. It's been a dream of mine, and I couldn't resist it anymore", the man replied.

The wife, even more surprised after hearing what happened, asked if everything is okay with his penis.

"Yes everything is fine with the penis", he replied.

"What about the potato cutter?" she asked.

"She got fired as well."