Confession and failed marriage - Page 9

newyorker88 · #**121** 19-03-2011, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shoei

Sometime she just ask me to keep quiet when having sex. Is this behaviour normal?

Well, at least she still let you have it and not keep you from going out to find, since both need to have sex.

be tender, love making is not as erotic as you see in movies, just be what you use to be, and let her feel you still love her....

shoei · #**122** 21-03-2011, 05:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newyorker88

Well, at least she still let you have it and not keep you from going out to find, since both need to have sex.

be tender, love making is not as erotic as you see in movies, just be what you use to be, and let her feel you still love her....

thanks for your encouragement. We must learn from our own mistake and mistakes other people makes.

trueno2008 · #**123** 23-03-2011, 08:37 PM

Hi TS,

Read your story and want tell u this... If your wife still making love with you, you definitely have chance. If she still willing to spend family time and include you, these are signs that she has not given up. Women always speaks the opposite and you should read her body language most importantly.

As for you, get an action plan. Go recall how u both started and what attracted her to you. Find those and redo them again with some innovation. Do things differently to mark that you have changed and for her to rediscover. Do things that don't need her response but noticeable by her. You find you got many things to do than to feel depressed and lost. Whenever i lost a relationship, other than feeling depressed i always take the opportunity to change myself. So what are you doing other than trying to seek encouragement and consolation from bros here. Don't waste your time anymore...

Lastly, i think this question most important which some bros asked. How do you see your relationship with your wife going forward in 20yrs time? Do you seriously want her back or it's just because a sudden lost? Give yourself time to think over, to get a responsible answer. Counselling or not, it's just your mindset after all.

All the best.

shoei · #**124** 27-03-2011, 04:24 PM

thanks bro.
Haven logged in for some time. Things have been going smooth at home so far. As long as i dun ask too many questions, she is still willing to be close to be to a certain extent.

But she seems super secertive on her hp, wakes up in the middle of the nite to sms/facebook/msn on her mobile and sets password lock on her phone. very often on the phone too. should i be over sensitive?

arsenal_84 · #**125** 27-03-2011, 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shoei

But she seems super secertive on her hp, wakes up in the middle of the nite to sms/facebook/msn on her mobile and sets password lock on her phone. very often on the phone too. should i be over sensitive?

you should be but on the other hand, you can't ask her any questions cause you will just turn her defensive against you.
testing times ahead for you.
apart from trusting her, there's pretty much nothing you can do.

goodpartner · #**126** 27-03-2011, 11:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shoei

But she seems super secertive on her hp, wakes up in the middle of the nite to sms/facebook/msn on her mobile and sets password lock on her phone. very often on the phone too. should i be over sensitive?

Given your obvious intention to be forgiven and patch up, she still do this to you in the open means she is just waiting to take revenge. Perhaps the process now is part of the revenge, but I'll not be surprise that she is trying to be hooked. If the right one cums along, she'll bite - then she will have the last laugh. Now, she has not found "him" yet, so just holding on to you for the time being.

I say better trash it out with her before it's too late.
Doing nothing now is not the best idea, imho.

You know best lah.

arsenal_84 · #**127** 27-03-2011, 11:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by goodpartner

Given your obvious intention to be forgiven and patch up, she still do this to you in the open means she is just waiting to take revenge. Perhaps the process now is part of the revenge, but I'll not be surprise that she is trying to be hooked. If the right one cums along, she'll bite - then she will have the last laugh. Now, she has not found "him" yet, so just holding on to you for the time being.

often when women think that they are equal to men, that's when they fall the hardest.

edmund03 · #**128** 27-03-2011, 11:48 PM

TS, trust takes a long time to gain but secs to destroy hence give your wife sometime for her to observe and slowly gain back the trust.

yang punk · #**129** 28-03-2011, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shoei

thanks bro.
Haven logged in for some time. Things have been going smooth at home so far. As long as i dun ask too many questions, she is still willing to be close to be to a certain extent.

But she seems super secertive on her hp, wakes up in the middle of the nite to sms/facebook/msn on her mobile and sets password lock on her phone. very often on the phone too. should i be over sensitive?

TS

Just stumbled onto this thread of yours...

Your children are very young and perhaps your wife is a very attractive woman for you to be so very much in love with her (maybe she is also a very good wife to you in the past). She is obviously NOT so unforgiving otherwise she would have kick you out of the house and start divorce proceedings.

Maybe she is getting a lot of moral support from friends and family to help her get over this difficult period of being cheated by you. Hence all the time she is spending on the phone. So if you trust her, prove it by giving her the space and privacy. Maybe she is out just to teach you a lesson...let you get a taste of jealousy (show of closeness with a male colleague. Btw why are you not the one fetching her to and from work?)

The fact that she is having regular sex with you means there is still a lot of hope to repair the relationship (btw pregnant women still can and enjoy sex even up to the final semester) Suggest you take more initiative now...more action and less talk! She sees your attempt at talking as just your way of making excuses for your own mistakes. Romance her like your courting days with flowers (no need expensive bouquets just a bunch from market flower stall and you decorate in vase for her), little thoughtful gifts (sexy stuffs like lingerie)...

Spend quality time with her and kids sharing in the household chores. It will take time and you will get your family back...but be warned...she may never be IN LOVE with you again.

shoei · #**130** 29-03-2011, 06:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yang punk

TS

Just stumbled onto this thread of yours...

Your children are very young and perhaps your wife is a very attractive woman for you to be so very much in love with her (maybe she is also a very good wife to you in the past). She is obviously NOT so unforgiving otherwise she would have kick you out of the house and start divorce proceedings.

Maybe she is getting a lot of moral support from friends and family to help her get over this difficult period of being cheated by you. Hence all the time she is spending on the phone. So if you trust her, prove it by giving her the space and privacy. Maybe she is out just to teach you a lesson...let you get a taste of jealousy (show of closeness with a male colleague. Btw why are you not the one fetching her to and from work?)

The fact that she is having regular sex with you means there is still a lot of hope to repair the relationship (btw pregnant women still can and enjoy sex even up to the final semester) Suggest you take more initiative now...more action and less talk! She sees your attempt at talking as just your way of making excuses for your own mistakes. Romance her like your courting days with flowers (no need expensive bouquets just a bunch from market flower stall and you decorate in vase for her), little thoughtful gifts (sexy stuffs like lingerie)...

Spend quality time with her and kids sharing in the household chores. It will take time and you will get your family back...but be warned...she may never be IN LOVE with you again.

bro, thanks for ur prospective. your words really talked to my heart. I dun sent her to work because I need to send the kids and she wouldn't prefer me to send her too. I really have doubts sometimes if it will work well, but TRUE, maybe she will never love me again. I don't know if I should trust her.

shoei · #**131** 29-03-2011, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arsenal_84

you should be but on the other hand, you can't ask her any questions cause you will just turn her defensive against you.
testing times ahead for you.
apart from trusting her, there's pretty much nothing you can do.

my hands are tied and everytime I try to untie myself, I get cut.

see see only · #**132** 29-03-2011, 11:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shoei

I don't know if I should trust her.

Mate,

Of cos Trust her, and give her all the space and freedom ...

hahahaha ... unlike men,

for women the more space & freedom you gave them the lesser they would want

They will stick to you more ...

arsenal_84 · #**133** 30-03-2011, 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shoei

my hands are tied and everytime I try to untie myself, I get cut.

tulips is a good idea.

take it easy...try asking her out on dates.
no need to impress her, just treat it like a normal date.
hold her hands during walks, no need to say anything much.

Max77 · #**134** 30-03-2011, 10:10 AM

It's easy to make mistake but extremely hard not to. So try very hard not to make anymore mistake(s) will be a good start.

The very first mistake that probably every man will make is, getting angry. Real man remain calm always, keep that in mind if u need some encouragement.

Nobody know wad the future will be. But u get to choose the path...at least

hickeybites · #**135** 30-03-2011, 10:38 AM

hi TS,
hang in there ok? not easy but must give it time... very trite to say that time is the best healer but it's true...时间会冲淡一切

just wondering.. are u now being completely transparent with her? as in not keeping any secrets or letting her know your whereabouts etc? i'm not saying that u have to report to her & like be a jailbird like that...but it may give her that sense of security.
in my case, my hubby was transparent as much as he could: on his own accord would show me phone records, keep me updated on where he's going, fill me in on things etc. pls don't get me wrong - i'm not saying u should grovel & be chained to ur wife. what matters is the intention behind the transparency: to let her know that u've nothing to hide and that she can slowly trust u again

can understand what u mean by "ur hands are tied". hubby said the same thing - it's like damn if he does & damn if he doesn't... my personal experience was that it took me couple of months to accept that he actually had an affair and nearly a year before I truly started to forgive him & forgive myself. (yah I was angry with myself as well - for not being a good wife/ for having LSD/ for having a kid/ for not seeing the signs.. things like that). and hubby's the type to want to get things done, act & have a solution & just do it.

not sure if ur wife feels this but it could be a possibility...my galfriends (who were also in same situation) & I also felt was immense wariness. reason is cos it felt like our trust was abused & us telling our hubbies our whereabouts/stuff provided them helped them have affairs on the sly... she may be having her defenses up & not really purposely out to take revenge on u. i believe she'll see ur sincerity in time

this is my own opinion only... it's much much better to really love than be "in love". being in love comes with all expectations, ideals, promises of "happily ever after"... if & when u both come out of this intact, you'll know it's love with full acceptance of each others' faults, weaknesses, idiosyncracies and continue to work at the relationship.
Take care