a different path.

[fookydud]

hey sis, glad you've moved on away from that abusive bf. I would still say there're still good guys around. As for me, i never believed in abusing my gf. I guess it all depends on the upbringing in the family as well. So its important to look at the background of the family before really deciding if he's the one for you. And i hope you'll find yours soon ! Do carry on to write your story when you're free. cheers

[bonkudear]

TS, you have to restore your self-esteem. Irregardless of what the past may have been, you have to let it go. Unless you let the past baggages go, it will be difficult for you to move on.

I advice that you also remove the misconception that there are no good guys around. (And yes, despite the many horny guys in this forum, there are still good guys here ok! Maybe it's just that most of us here have more testerone in our make up. ).

Take your time to look around instead of keeping your head low all the time. Who knows, you may just come eye to eye with a good man who loves you for who you are.

[love_mayo]

Originally Posted by fookydud

hey sis, glad you've moved on away from that abusive bf. I would still say there're still good guys around. As for me, i never believed in abusing my gf.

i guess its all about personalities.
people around me whom knows me well thinks i am dangerous cause once i give it my all, it doesnt matter even if i get killed.
lol.

Originally Posted by bonkudear

TS, you have to restore your self-esteem. Irregardless of what the past may have been, you have to let it go. Unless you let the past baggages go, it will be difficult for you to move on.

说易行难。

i will let go, i surely will. but i guess just not now.
i dont deny there is good guys around, my besties are mostly guys and i think they r really good bf(s) but sadly we're already crossed that stage and is like buddies already.

maybe u are right that one day i might be able to find someone whom accepts my everything, but even if there was, i dont think anyone can accept me anymore now cause everything's different.

[love_mayo]

was at starbucks outside pacific plaza yest. overlooking marriott hotel and tons of memories came back to mind.. so decided to continue writing.

the relationship with WJ lasted about a year back in 2007-2008. despite saying so.. i remember we'd meet for less den 10 times in total. again.. i was doing something for the sake of doing something.

whenever WJ is in singapore for work, he'd stay at marriott and as we got closer, i'd always go to his room and slack there, cuddle, etc. we were close physically, with the cuddles and so on, but things never got out of hands until one day he got me to drink. (i am seriously a fucking poor drinker.)

i was looking out of the window and during that time, ION was nowhere to be seen.. (really can imagine how long le), no ION, just construction work. and my head was starting to spin because of the red wine. (just 1 cup.) i always hated drinking since young, even beer or vodka can make me vomit. whenever i drink, its always because of friends etc, (but now.. different case). so when he handed me the red wine i thought of rejecting but in the end, as usual, too soft hearted, gulp it down. forgot why i am emo-ing looking at the window already. my mind was kinda blank and i didnt want to move. (im that kind whom becomes really down after drinking.)

WJ hands was on my shoulder when i realised, with his face really near mine. that, of course wasnt the first time we got so near to each other. afterall i was single at that moment and i didnt think much. it was just seeking warmth. that kinda romantic atmosphere seems perfect and the tiny bit of alcohol in me was taking over me. i wanted to sleep. yes, sleep. and apparently the want to sleep made me weak.

he was wearing just the bathrobe and before i was able to react, i found myself on the bed doing a blowjob on him. not my first but surely not my top of the list either. i was just sitting there and moving my head accordingly and choking occasionally. i was like a puppet and him holding on the strings. we had the warmth share of cuddles and i was kinda expecting things to move towards that direction, but i was wrong. its either hes drunk or i am too drowsy to do anything, he just move my head in and out till he'd cum right into my mouth and i was at a total loss. (that was the first time it happened in my life... FML).

and i was choking.

i remembered rushing to the toilet to rinse and try my best to vomit out whatever i can after 'waking up'. and he was standing outside laughing at what hes seeing.

things didnt change after that night. but it got me thinking more, like what am i exactly looking for. of course i wanted someone that could pay more attention to me instead of showering all the attention on himself. i wanted to be heard and seen and felt. i fell asleep beside him that night, and decided to go home at about 3am, he gave me a peck on the forehead before i left. but still that just made me felt worst. especially seeing some prositutes entering marriott when i left made me feel even more hatred towards myself.

and no, i dont take money from anyone i've fucked all till now.

but during that period of time, i really hated myself. i didnt know what i was really doing anymore. i felt like a call-girl, when he'd asked me to go over, i will without questions even though i didnt like what i was doing at all. it felt like i had no mind or say of my own and i just go with the flow, and WJ decides the flow. i dont love him, i dont think ive ever loved anyone in my life except my ex. but even so, i was just going along with whatever is given to me..

and maybe this is the reason that gets me into more troubles..

[dennischan]

hi sis,

seeing that you took ur o's back in 04, i guess we're of similar age..
i'm not into violence too, so definitely guys like that definitely should break up..

always interesting to listen to stories cause it allows me to learn something. used to have a friend like you too, and she lasted 4yrs before breaking up finally.

i think it's because you have too much free time that you become like a "call-girl". would be better if you find meaningful things to do for yourself. like say taking up classes, doing volunteer work and such. yrs down the road, you would find yourself having accomplished more tasks than just giving guys hj.

P.S: doing meaningful stuffs might land you a bf too..

[bepo]

hope things have improve for u.. hang in there sis

[love_mayo]

Originally Posted by dennischan

hi sis,

seeing that you took ur o's back in 04, i guess we're of similar age..
i'm not into violence too, so definitely guys like that definitely should break up..

P.S: doing meaningful stuffs might land you a bf too..

guess no surprise if we r off the same age
im getting old grr.

i dont think its about having free time. i always have that kinda dependence issues whereby i always wanted someone to hold on to and a status to hold on to. so i guess thats what made me today.

Originally Posted by bepo

hope things have improve for u.. hang in there sis

am hanging

cant wait to start my lonely holiday. lol.

[love_mayo]

greetings from the biggest redlight district in asia

ive arrived and am going drinking later at 5am!
hopefully ill hv some nice encounters later on hehes.

[shark89]

Originally Posted by love_mayo

greetings from the biggest redlight district in asia

ive arrived and am going drinking later at 5am!
hopefully ill hv some nice encounters later on hehes.

Sis, you are at bkk? Post FR on your encounters ya? Have fun but be safe!

[love_mayo]

nope not in bkk.
somewhere else.

i just met my ex for dinner.
am feeling totally restless and emotional now.

can only say no matter what he've done to me, he is still a very special person to me and i still hold him dear to my heart.

am gonna drink to my hearts content later.
back with more.