What was it that prompted your first indiscretion?

[jintulan]

I was down this road once, and have been fortunate enough to be able to retrace my steps and keep my family intact, here's my 2 cents worth...

Originally Posted by dionysusex

... I feel the same way. Hence, I have never found it necessary to secumb to lust in the arms of WLs.

I take my hats off for you.... with a salute.

Originally Posted by dionysusex

... Does (extra-maritial) indiscretion fill this vacuum deprived of its emotional link? Ca anyone comment? Are we incomplete persons in this aspect?...

It does not. The many examples we see today shows that extra-marital sex does provide some relief in some ways, albeit temporary, and almost all lead to more headaches and heartaches eventually.

Our society today is a complex one. Depending on the circumstances one is in, stresses and temptations come and go. Events arising from them often depend on the individual's reactions. As some brothers posted earlier, our little heads are fully capable of taking over the big ones. Evolution, for some reason, did not plant brain cells where it is most needed at times. So, we are left with 2 heads to make decisions, but only one has brain cells. What shall we do?

[trainee1964]

I can think of the following reasons (one or more may apply):

1. Not sexually satisfied. After reading exciting and erotic FRs in htis forum and others, you may find that your partner is so much like a dead fish in bed and you want to try something fresh.

2. Not sexually satisfied, again, because you are not having enough.

3. To attract the attention of your partner. Well, I warned you. You don't treat me well and I'll be finding somebody else.

4. Disillusioned, different expectations from partner.

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by dionysusex

Does (extra-maritial) indiscretion fill this vacuum deprived of its emotional link? Ca anyone comment? Are we incomplete persons in this aspect?

It does fill the vacuum albeit temporarily. In most cases, flings can be tiring after some time... once satiated, the "Flinger" normally moves on. However, as I have experienced myself, the vacuum reappears some time after a fling and another emotionally filled experience is required to fill this up again. In all, it can be tiresome, draining, addictive and ultimately damaging to your health, family and friends.

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by tissue

I have many friends who stray (men & women) and the one and only reason is that they are not getting satisfaction from their lifes EMOTIONALLY.

Some here may say that they started to stray as their partners have changed or any other reason but ultimately, they are not getting the emotional connection.

I mean, if your partner is gives you what you need emotionally, you do not have the need or urge to do with someone else...Even more so if you are married...

A woman's point of view..

I believe that people stray for a variety of reasons but mostly due to emotional or sexual needs or even both. I myself, have strayed due to either one of those reasons.

In some of my relationships, sex did not even occur as I did not want to go down that road thinking it was worse. Nevertheless, it proved wrong most times. Straying without sex can be just as messy if not worse.

[asdfghjkl]

what about a sexy hot SYT seducing you..

[sean69]

hmm.. for me i would have to say it was during a bad patch in our relationship.. we were always fighting and i was so sick of her nagging that sex was pretty non-existance..

probably a lame excuse but that was what triggered my first indiscretion..

after my so-call indiscretion, i was so worried that i might have contracted some STD even though i use cap that I stopped having sex.. so our relationship actually got worse... and that push me to my next and next indiscretion..

now more or less, we are back to normal already and i have stopped cheonging for quite some time already....

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by sean69

after my so-call indiscretion, i was so worried that i might have contracted some STD even though i use cap that I stopped having sex.. so our relationship actually got worse... and that push me to my next and next indiscretion..

That was part of the reason why I stopped having sex with my wife for years.

[curiosityz]

the fear factor triggers you guys off but some will still continue but i feel they are being irresponsible if they do it.

[tissue]

Originally Posted by dionysusex

Indeed, I feel the same way. Hence, I have never found it necessary to secumb to lust in the arms of WLs.

It is hard to define change. Who are we to say that we ourselves have not changed over time?

I respect you for this alone. Not every man can do this

Originally Posted by dionysusex

KTV girls clamouring after LV, Cartier, Chanel, etc to fill the void inside them created by the departure of dignity everytime they step into their places of work.

I agree with you on this..

Originally Posted by dionysusex

Does (extra-maritial) indiscretion fill this vacuum deprived of its emotional link? Ca anyone comment? Are we incomplete persons in this aspect?

Most people think it can and will help help but in actual fact, it will bring more hassles and heartaches for all parties involved.

At most, it will only help you achieve the physical release that your body so desire..Most people sometimes forget that the exhilarating feeling of sleeping with someone else other than your lawfully wedded partner is just lust..Do not forget, we are not just the only ones who gave up the forest for one tree, our partners who decided to marry us also made that decision..

Which is why, even though I was seriously tempted a few times, I did not take the 1st step as I knew that things will never be the same once you start ANYTHING..

Cheers / Tissue

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by tissue

Most people think it can and will help help but in actual fact, it will bring more hassles and heartaches for all parties involved.

At most, it will only help you achieve the physical release that your body so desire..Most people sometimes forget that the exhilarating feeling of sleeping with someone else other than your lawfully wedded partner is just lust..Do not forget, we are not just the only ones who gave up the forest for one tree, our partners who decided to marry us also made that decision..

Which is why, even though I was seriously tempted a few times, I did not take the 1st step as I knew that things will never be the same once you start ANYTHING..

Yes, it messes you up big time. Firstly, its addictive... it does not stop at the 1st indiscretion... it just goes on and on.

Also, it sometimes masquerades as "love" in the beginning. But it breaks down pretty quick after the shagging gets to be "easy to get".

It's tiring and messes up your personal life. I for one am trying to give this up but like smoking, it's proving to be difficult. My only improvement so far as that I have given up on paid sex and have only indulged in "safer" forms of release eg. paid handjobs. But still difficult to give up FBs.

Sometimes I wish I never did start this habit.

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by curiosityz

the fear factor triggers you guys off but some will still continue but i feel they are being irresponsible if they do it.

Does not mean that I am being a "responsible" person by having sex outside and none at home to protect my wife from risks of STDs.

[sean69]

Originally Posted by surfer888

That was part of the reason why I stopped having sex with my wife for years.

ok... but isn't that unhealthy for your relationship?.. wouldn't she question you why you stop having sex with her??

[solidrock]

Originally Posted by tissue;

I mean, if your partner is gives you what you need emotionally, you do not have the need or urge to do with someone else...Even more so if you are married...

A woman's point of view..

Cheers / Tissue

I understand that a woman cannot give of herself sexually without also giving of herself emotionally. Sex is a total package of both.

However a man is wired differently. He can give of himself sexually without getting the emotions coming into play. Sex can be pursued purely on animal instincts alone.

A man's point of view...

[eforbidden]

Been visiting SBF for some time and can't help but find this particular topic very interesting, becos I just realised I'M NOT ALONE!!!!

Despite all the FRs from various bros, and even sis, I do agree that whatever we do, it's for the emotional needs and feeling a sense of being wanted... in any ways.

I was comtemplating to engage in indiscretion activities, and now having mixed feelings... Hahahah thanks to you fellas... (Dunno whether issit a blessing in disguise or what... ). I always have the thought of doing it at least once... But is 'once' ever enough?

Lastly, I still believe despite all these experience shared, some of us will still continue to engage in such activities and some may cut it off totally. Whatever it is, I'd think it's better to be mentally strong and know when to let it go when you've enough fun (Easier said than done!!), and still be responsible and take good care (emotional and physical needs) of our partners.

So for this new year, let us continue to party hard, and also work hard to be a good husband!!!!!

Cheers to all!!!!

[surfer888]

Originally Posted by sean69

ok... but isn't that unhealthy for your relationship?.. wouldn't she question you why you stop having sex with her??

"Not tonight dear, i have a headache."

Seriously speaking though, it's relatively easy of me to make excuses as I'm out of town most of the time. I have recently spent more time in Singapore and it is because I want to spend more time with my kid. She knows that I have chosen to travel less because of the kid as well and I spend most of my time with the kid and thus am either too tired or busy.

... and above all, I have lost interest in having sex with her.