Innocently Depraved

[jepoj91]

Look forward to his updates
Wow. Awesome writing.

[oppaman]

Look forward to his updates

[MelanisticWolf]

Amazing sexciting story, please update us soon bro

[hwilliam]

Look forward to his updates. It has been a while since last update

[SAWgunner]

Bro, please continue…

[bayij]

“Hufff... Tommy... went... Out...” I replied, my voice straining as I struggled to take another step. Lifting weights is one thing. Lugging one up the stairs proved to be a whole different sport.

[SAWgunner]

Hey there,

I am a wannabe writer. I have always dreamt of writing my own opus like Bro Depraved has here. I really love like story. I’m obsessed with it! I realise Bro Depraved might have difficulty continuing the story, but there are so many story legs to explore. We could have:

The Origin Story

How did Tommy end up this way? Was his dad the Grandmaster who taught Tommy everything? Was Christine loaned to Tommy? How did Tommy lose control? What is Tommy’s bodycount really? How did he start with Alicia? Who else is in Tommy’s gang? What is the body count with Tommy’s gang? Who else is in “The Game”?

The Melissa POV story-arc

How did Tommy break and turn Melissa? When did it start? What was Melissa’s training like exactly? What is Melissa’s body count? How many other gang-bangs has the had? (Part 2 seems like this is not her first rodeo). How many other guys has she submitted to? How does her new lifestlye carry over into her worklife? Does she offer sweeteners? Does she submit to her bosses?

The Alicia POV story-arc

This area is not really fleshed out. Alicia’s journey as a submissive should mirror and contrast with Melissa’s story. How does Barry as a Dominant compare to Tommy as a Dom? They obviously have different temperaments.

The male gaze

Also, the female characters looks and figures should be fully fleshed out for the male gaze and tiltillate the audience regularly. What is their height? Weight? Bra sizes? How long is their hair? Are they fair or tanned? Are they thicc or got thigh gap? That sort of thing? To be fair, the guys should have a female gaze too.

Brian’s Revenge story

So far, there hasn’t been that true sense of jeopardy and dread that the Main Character faces (i.e. Barry) that can be considered netorare. I think the audience is waiting to see Brian have his revenge. Let Tommy and Barry lose Melissa for awhile. Let them fight and aruge, and then see how they win her back. Throw a spanner in the works.

Barry’s dad story

Another angle to explore is Barry’s dad. He’s definitely a beta male. Is he a cuck? Does he actually know everything that’s going on? (Like true healthy marriages should). Maybe Barry’s dad gets off on being a cuck? Maybe Barry’s dad and Tommy’s dad new each other from Pre-U? Maybe they swapped gf’s back then and Barry’s dad was originally with Christine and Tommy’s dad was with Melissa?

The Tommy vs Barry relationship story

The boys relationship is the crux of the story. Tommy should learn to trust Barry ane open up to him. The story should also see Barry grow in confidence as a Dominant under Tommy’s guidance.

The one-shot sidequel

We need a B-story going on while the Main Characters/Protqgonists are at play. These B-stories could be full fleshed out into like one-episode stories.

Means of evaluation

One area Bro Depraved has excelled are fully fleshed out characters. He illustrates their thoughts and feelings and justifications for this lifestyle. Please carry on.

More depraved please

One area I wish could be developed more are BDSM elements in the story. There should be more and they could develop in complexity. BSDM elements include:

Sex toys: Things like collars, leashes, nipple clamps, remote vibrators, etc

Sex positions: You can look up “BDSM sex positions”. Things like, crabtie, mating press, standing doggy. Or a doggy walk in a collar and leash. We could have Melissa greet Tommy at the door, face down ass up. Or cuffed to a stripper pole. Or slutwalk at Orchard Towers. The ideas are endless.

BDSM training: we could see how Melissa and Alicia go through their obedience training. Things like clothing control (controlling what Melissa and Alicia can wear), cum control (with the use of remote vibrators), public (but discreet) flashing, spanking, breast play/slapping/torture, nipple clamps and piercing. Also after care (how they “sayang” a submissive after a session) is important. Really, go as pervert as you can and live up to the story title! Heheh.

Slow burn
Lastly, Bro Depraved, this story works as a slow burn. Tease the audience and give them blue balls. Take your time, don’t rush it!

[takada]

Thanks for nice update.

[comchest]

Hope to read more.

[xucker]

Nice one bro SAWgunner!