Confession and failed marriage

[newyorker88]

Originally Posted by hugs

actually i did got angry with my ex-husband once when he came back from batam with scratch mark on his back.

Man who are not at home are not your husband...

[hugs]

bro newyorker, what do u mean? anyway that incident happened when we were married n he went offshore for work n back home after work.

if u r saying that once a man outside home like a cat will seek mice to play, then ok so true so true.

[shoei]

Originally Posted by EcceHomo

TS, your predicament, if true, isn't unique, so wise up and wake up!

Dude, you've got to be responsible and accountable for your actions. Everything has a cause and effect so you can run but can you hide from the consequences of your decisions forever?

But wallowing in self-pity isn't going to change things. In fact it's just a way of assuaging your guilt and shirking your responsibilities. Stop wasting your time hanging around here trawling for advice - go out, take a walk and calm yourself down. You've made some bad choices that let folks who are important to you down. That much is certain but what can you now do to make things better? Think seriously about what kind of concrete gestures you can do to make amends. Change. Truly and completely. And please also accept that despite your regret and best efforts, things might not turn out the way you want them to.

Ask yourself what is important to you. Your family? Or the casual passion and affection of an affair, or worse, the cheap company of whores? Don't kid yourself. And if your loved ones are those you prioritize and the answer is so obviously clear to you, don't look back and just move on. Forget this site, others like it and just keep on walking.

I don't think it's wise to prejudge your wife's intentions in going to her male friends nor have you provided other details so it's be a bit presumptuous to jump to any conclusion. Anyway, it's good to seek out relatives and friends whom the two of you are both acquainted with but just be wary of pulling in too many conflicting interests and agendas. I think going to an disinterested third party such as a qualified marriage counsellor is probably a better idea as they bring a more objective and genuinely professional touch to the role of the mediator. They also provide a more detached and less emotionally charged perspective which will be helpful in highlighting whatever options are left to you and your spouse. And do see a psychiatrist on your own if the stress gets to you. It'll definitely help.

Anyway it's your life and your choice at the end of the day. Just be accountable and fair to yourself and those that mean something to you. Nobody can help you do that but yourself.

thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it. I am now trying to make things right again. I am seeing a counselor for a start. I hope I can gain her love and trust.

[goodpartner]

Originally Posted by shoei

I am seeing a counselor for a start. I hope I can gain her love and trust.

After reading about her reaction you wrote, I think the one needing counseling is her. Their main intention is to mediate for you two, and it can only happen if BOTH of you talk to the same counselor individually, and then sit together and they'll make both of your TALK to each other, probing the right question that'll lead your wife to say what's bothering her and more importantly, what she wants before she'll accept you again (or never).

If your wife do not want to join you with the counseling sessions, my take is that she has other agenda/plan without you; because she is afraid of facing those questionings.

Give excuses that it's for the sake of the kids, die die must get her to join in.

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by shoei

thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it. I am now trying to make things right again. I am seeing a counselor for a start. I hope I can gain her love and trust.

My advice is to walk away and start afresh. The broken relationship can never be restored.

Get yourself a new wife and make sure you don't make the same mistake the 2nd time round.

[newyorker88]

Originally Posted by hugs

bro newyorker, what do u mean? anyway that incident happened when we were married n he went offshore for work n back home after work.

if u r saying that once a man outside home like a cat will seek mice to play, then ok so true so true.

That is a saying. A man not at home is not your hubby. Only when he is dead, and you put him in coffin, he is yours.

SOrry to hear about your divorce case. Hope life is going good for you. Marriage works only if there is communication between 2 parties. If communication breaks down, it will lead to alot of problems and ultimately seperation.

Why in the first place a man will go out to seek love outside the marriage? That is a question both party must face. I hope TS will find out his problems and solve it.

[newyorker88]

Originally Posted by goodpartner

After reading about her reaction you wrote, I think the one needing counseling is her. Their main intention is to mediate for you two, and it can only happen if BOTH of you talk to the same counselor individually, and then sit together and they'll make both of your TALK to each other, probing the right question that'll lead your wife to say what's bothering her and more importantly, what she wants before she'll accept you again (or never).

If your wife do not want to join you with the counseling sessions, my take is that she has other agenda/plan without you; because she is afraid of facing those questionings.

Give excuses that it's for the sake of the kids, die die must get her to join in.

Yes, problems does not lie in one person, it takes two to tango. Counseling works becos 2 parties want to solve the problem. If one party dont want to go, it will be useless.

[hugs]

thanks bro newyorker, life has been peaceful n i sleep more soundly now even since i put my ex-husband out of my life. it took me awhile.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

My advice is to walk away and start afresh. The broken relationship can never be restored.

Get yourself a new wife and make sure you don't make the same mistake the 2nd time round.

Man, for once, I am totally not in favour wif your suggestion.
One should learn to face his actions and not run away.
I saw wat kind of person you are now boss...sad

[jonrai]

in many cases, most broken marriage life will never be the same. Ask youself few questions,

1. What if this situation remain for years? Can you tahan?
2. What if your wife has start another relationship? Will you get mad?
3. Do u think attend a few counselling will work or What if counselling doesn't work? what is ur next plan?
4. Do you know who are the most ppl she respect most? Should be her family member, consult with them what had happened.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Dear jonrai, in life, there's no easy way to anything.
One must learn to face the music he created not run from it....it's through this, that wisdom is born!
Imagine this, you bot a house, renovated it, then after a while living in it, you dun like it, what do you do?
Do you renovate it till you find it suitable to be your sanctuary?
Or, do you move out & find one?
Question here is, will you ever find one?
Allow me to explain my tots in response to yours in red.

Originally Posted by jonrai

in many cases, most broken marriage life will never be the same.
Yes, they'll never be the same again, cause it wasnt the other but yourself that screwed everything up.

Ask youself few questions,

1. What if this situation remain for years? Can you tahan?
Guess in the end, what do you want?
Can you apply the same to yourself if you the party who was hurt?
Have you spared a tot for the kid?
If you haven even try yet and already reach this tot, you already gave up before you started

2. What if your wife has start another relationship? Will you get mad?
You already lost the rite to be mad, cos you already displayed all signs that you have no moral, no integrity nor respect to your wife and children

3. Do u think attend a few counselling will work or What if counselling doesn't work? what is ur next plan?
Counseling will only work if both parties want it to work.
But if only 1 party thinks that going to a counselor will help the other party accept and move on, they are very very wrong!

4. Do you know who are the most ppl she respect most? Should be her family member, consult with them what had happened.
Yes correct, but 1st her family must be ready to forgive you for your misdeeds before they start to persuade your wife to forgive you & give you 2 another chance.

The only moral way, is to, like i said, make it work again.
The easy way is, oh ok, i fucked up, tata, to greener pastures i go!

[PeteTsang69]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

How did all this lovey dovey stuff end up in a commercial sex forum dedicated to finding good whores to fuck????

Dear Sammy …u r providing a great social service … by accident .. Doing good here

Bros & sis come here to get it as it is … from those who have been thru it …straight…no BS

We are just all trying to make sense of what is happening around us …why we do what we do ..even if those things are not what we want to do … & why things happen ..even those things we don’t want to happen….


I have 5 points: make it sweet I don’t elaborate ..let others think about it..

1. MIND is LOOKING for NOVELTY
2. We are HEDONISTIC ..focus on PRESENT TOO MUCH
3. SOCIETY CHANGING - ease of access to ills exacerbates effect
4 Solution is to have our own GOALS ….&
5. learn to FOCUS


This also support by seneca …Seneca:" On The Shortness of Life”

"For the human mind is naturally mobile and enjoys activity. Every chance of stimulation and distraction is welcome to it - even more welcome to all those inferior characters who actually enjoy being worn out by busy activity".

….woaw, seneca predicted ”FACEBOOK”???


"IDLENESS IS THE ROOT OF MISCHIEF
“IDLE HANDS ARE THE DEVIL'S WORKSHOP”
"AN IDLE MIND IS THE DEVIL'S WORKSHOP"

A person who doesn't have something particular to occupy himself with doing will be tempted to occupy himself with mischief.


Clue comes from this guy….philip zimbardo - time pespective…am afraid you have watch 10 min video to understand better..
http://comment.rsablogs.org.uk/2010/...t-powers-time/

(watch this too if you have the time http://comment.rsablogs.org.uk/2010/...animate-drive/ )

Those who time "time perspective is present - hedonistic" is simply, someone who will watch TV first before doing revision for tomorrow's exam.

In other words they don’t think about the future & delay gratification. ..those who can, are the ones who get ahead in life… they do the work first… then reap rewards ...e.g. athletes



Society is changing: AFFLUENCE & EASY ACCESS….perfect example are spoilt children with maids who never learnt to do things from themselves..end up gaming long hours in their own rooms…next will be chatrooms (easy access to this started for me , unfortunately i was lucky & found an FB)… chatlines..…porn …clubbing …booze. ONS work..money…affairs…HC/FL ...etc


WITHOUT HAVING A GOAL ITS DIFFICULT TO SCORE

THE SUCCESSFUL WARRIOR IS THE AVERAGE MAN, WITH LASER-LIKE FOCUS.- Bruce Lee

...just my rant today .... ... iknow, not directly addressing TS pers se, just the common ills here ...me included...

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by DO_YOU_BJ

Man, for once, I am totally not in favour wif your suggestion.
One should learn to face his actions and not run away.
I saw wat kind of person you are now boss...sad

It has nothing to do with running away. I'm merely telling it like it is. Trust, once broken, can never be restored. You can do a clean install of your PC operating system but relationships don't work the same way.

[samyboys]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

It has nothing to do with running away. I'm merely telling it like it is. Trust, once broken, can never be restored. You can do a clean install of your PC operating system but relationships don't work the same way.

rather true for this statement

[jonrai]

Originally Posted by DO_YOU_BJ

Dear jonrai, in life, there's no easy way to anything.
One must learn to face the music he created not run from it....it's through this, that wisdom is born!
Imagine this, you bot a house, renovated it, then after a while living in it, you dun like it, what do you do?
Do you renovate it till you find it suitable to be your sanctuary?
Or, do you move out & find one?
Question here is, will you ever find one?
Allow me to explain my tots in response to yours in red.



The only moral way, is to, like i said, make it work again.
The easy way is, oh ok, i fucked up, tata, to greener pastures i go!

Hi, let me clarify my points, i am not encourage TS to get divorce right now or in near future. He should mentally prepared for worst scenario that might happened. Yes, i am agreed children come first... In long term, do you think this is healthy for children to grow up with their mum & dad with their own life style? Make it work again required both party to agree or happy with it, otherwise might get negative impact..
Can you apply the same to yourself if you the party who was hurt? Sorry, I not able to answer you because I am man. Woman might think differently.