Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[bigbirdbird]

A woman who is uncomfortable watching a guy masturbate:

a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.

b) Is uptight and a waste of time.

c) Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

[bigbirdbird]

A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head "no."

A clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?"

"I don't know," said the woman. "Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your dick' cards?"

[bigbirdbird]

A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.

"Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before."

The doctor reassured her. "A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?"

"On my balls."

[bigbirdbird]

A very naive British sailor is in a bar in London.

He meets a wild girl, and she takes him upstairs. She takes off her pants and her panties.

He looks between her legs, and he says, "What's that?"

She says, "It's me lower mouth."

He says, "What do you mean, your 'lower mouth'?"

She says, "Just what I said, it's me lower mouth. It's got a mustache...it's got lips..."

He says, "Has it got a tongue in it?"

She says, "Not always."

[bigbirdbird]

A man walks into a brothel and approaches a beautiful Oriental courtesan.

"Is it true Asian women's vaginas are slit sideways?" he asks.

"Why?" she responds. "Are you a harmonica player?"

[makeithappen]

Very nice jokes, thanks for sharing!!

[ah rat]

Six Laughs: 😂💦
No1: A man was so jealous of his newly born baby that he put poison on the wife's nipples while she was asleep. The next day their driver died of poisoning. **********************
💉
No2: A man is dying of cancer, but keeps telling people he is dying of AIDS. His son asked his Dad why. He answered, "so that when I am dead, no one will sleep with your mum." **********************
👙
No3: A lady lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of the husband. Maid said "sir. you are my witness you know I never wear panties!"
**********************
🔩
No4: Couple is having a quickie and their 6 year old catches them. Son says: "What are you doing?" Ask the son. Father: "I’m putting petrol in your Mom." Son: " Which means Mom’s engine is taking too much petrol cause Mr. Zwane just put some in yesterday!" Mother fainted!!!!
**********************
💵🍺
No5: A man went to the pub with his wife. When he left for the counter to buy drinks a prostitute approached his wife & whispered, "You must DEMAND cash before sex, I know him he doesn't pay. **********************🍼🎱

No6: An 8 year old boy is accused of rape. In court his lady lawyer holds his dick out as evidence saying, "Your Honour see this, can he rape* with this tiny tot?"The boy whispers, "Don't shake it, we'll lose the case!" **********************
📭

[bigbirdbird]

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got
worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said:
"That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud
that your monkey has grown hair." the girl smiled. At dinner, she
told her sister: "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiled and
said: "That's nothing, mine is already eating banana!!" 😂😂😂

[bigbirdbird]

Mathematician asks: How to write 4 in between a 5?

China man replied: Is this a Joke?

Japan man exclaimed: Impossible!

American man said: The question's wrong!!

British man snorted: Rubbish !!

Mamak wrote: F(IV)E
😏😏☺😄😄
This is the reason you find Mamaks everywhere in the world in finance, business, medicine, engineering & arts..anything to do with optimising your brain!!


British: Can u swim?
Mamak: No.
British: Then a dog is better than u because it can swim.
Mamak: Can u swim?
British: Yes!
Mamak: Then what's the difference between u & the dog? 😆

British shocked, faints!!
Mamak Rocks! 👍 😜


European : Why do all you Mamaks come in different colors? 👳👳👳👳👳👳Look at us, we are all white. 👱👱👱👱👱👱

Mamak: Horses too come in different colors but donkeys are all the same!!! 😋

[bigbirdbird]

A man was relaxing in bed with his beautiful new Thai girlfriend in Phuket island.

After having sex, she spent the next hour by only touching his balls, something she loved doing for a long time...

Enjoying it, he asks: Why do you love doing that so much sweetheart ?

She answers: I really miss mine after the surgery.

[bigbirdbird]

An expat Indian👨, a China man 👲 and a S'porean 👦 are in a bar one night having a beer. 🍻🍺

The Indian finishes his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. 🍺💥🔫
He brags, "In India our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the
same one twice."

The China man is obviously impressed. When he finished his beer, he throws his glass
into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. 🍺💥🔫
He says, "In China we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to
drink out of the same glass twice either."

The S'porean, cool as a cucumber, finishes his drink, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Indian 👨💥🔫& the China man 👲💥🔫.

He says "Kan nee na''
In Singapore we have so many Indian PR and China PR that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice!"

[Fansees]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got
worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said:
"That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud
that your monkey has grown hair." the girl smiled. At dinner, she
told her sister: "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiled and
said: "That's nothing, mine is already eating banana!!" 😂😂😂

Fansees support !

[Carbones]

Originally Posted by bigbirdbird

An expat Indian👨, a China man 👲 and a S'porean 👦 are in a bar one night having a beer. 🍻🍺

The Indian finishes his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. 🍺💥🔫
He brags, "In India our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the
same one twice."

The China man is obviously impressed. When he finished his beer, he throws his glass
into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. 🍺💥🔫
He says, "In China we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to
drink out of the same glass twice either."

The S'porean, cool as a cucumber, finishes his drink, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Indian 👨💥🔫& the China man 👲💥🔫.

He says "Kan nee na''
In Singapore we have so many Indian PR and China PR that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice!"

Hahaha this is funny

[YoungCaoCao]

Bigbirdbird today no update jokes?

[Rolittah]

Nice sharing of great jokes, thanks!!!