Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[bigbirdbird]

Matters had progressed to the point where the freshman and his date were naked in the motel bed when the girl had a change of heart.

"I suppose you're going to tell me now that you're waiting for 'Mr. Right'," he said dejectedly.

"That's a silly old romantic notion," laughed the coed. "I'm just waiting for Mr. Big."


***************

McCreedy is sitting at the bar jerking his meat.

The bartender says, "Look, Mac, you've got to get out of here."

The drunk says, "Are you kiddin'? I can't leave. I can't walk.

Hell, I'm so drunk, I don't even know who I'm fuckin'."

[bigbirdbird]

A man and a woman were engaged in heated sexual intercourse.

The woman was screaming and wiggling like she had never before.

Afterwards, she flings the lights on and stares him straight in the eyes.

"You know you were fucking me in the ass, don't you?"

"I wasn't quite sure," replied the man.

"Surely you realized that it wasn't like our normal sex. Why didn't you stop?" pleaded the wife.

"You know how much we men hate to stop and ask for directions..."


**********


A man was sitting at a bar, morosely staring at his untouched beer.

The bartender walked over with a sigh, and asked "What's the problem, pal?"

"My brother just told me that there's a sperm bank in his neighborhood that pays $40 for a donation!" said the dejected gent.

"Yeah, so?" replied the barkeep.

"Don't you realize?" the man cried. "I've already let a fortune slip through my fingers!"

[phueng]

Very good jokes, thanks bro

[MdmCaterpillar]

Thanks for sharing nice jokes

[meijipcc]

nice jokes bros. hope there are more to come. support support.

[MerlinW]

Originally Posted by meijipcc

nice jokes bros. hope there are more to come. support support.

Bro return your favor from MerlinW. Thank you.

[choblanco]

Very good thread, support!

[S.B.Y.1]

(1) To make it straight, she pulls it..
To make it stand, she rubs it.
To make it stiff, she licks it.
To put it in, she pushes it.
It's hell of a job threading a needle!!!

(2) A guy donated blood to his girlfriend. When they broke up, he wanted his blood back.
The girl threw a bloody kotex at him and said, I'll pay you in monthly installment.'

(3) Girl in cinema turns sideways and whispers to her boyfriend.
'The man next to me is masturbating!'
Bf: 'Ignore him.'
Gf: 'I can't.'
Bf: 'Why not?'
Gf: 'He is using my hand!'

(4) The Bio teacher draws a huge PENIS on the board and asks 'Does anybody know what this is?
Dirty Harry says 'Oh, it's a penis and you know my dad's got 2 of them?'
The teacher says '2 of them?'
Harry says 'ya! the little one he uses to pee, and the big one to brush mum's teeth.'

(5) 4 miracles of a woman
Getting wet without taking a shower
Bleeding without getting hurt
Giving milk without eating grass
Making boneless meat hard.

(6) What is the smallest hotel in the world?
The answer is 'Vagina Inn'
It accomodates only 1 standing occupant with his 2 baggages left outside.

(7) Unborn twins saw a penis approaching.
1st: Papa coming, papa coming.
2nd: U fool, it's uncle lah. Papa never comes with raincoat!

(8) A hubby said to his wife, 'I will take a photo of your breast and frame it..'
The wife said to husband, 'I will take a photo of your penis and enlarge it.'

(9) At 15, a girl is a SURPRISE.
At 25, she is the RIGHT PRICE.
At 35, a GRAND PRIZE.
At 45, a CONSOLATION PRIZE.
At 55, she is a DOOR PRIZE, and
at 65, a GIVEAWAY PRIZE.

(10) What did Snow White complain about after having sex with the 7 dwarfs? Snow White said, 'I would rather have 7 inches at 1 time. Not 1 inch 7 times.'

(11) A loving husband had 'I Love You' tattoed on his dick.
When he got home, he showed it to his wife.
She said, 'There u go again, trying to put words in my mouth.'

(12) Lady was trying on a dress.
Husband: 'Your bum is as big as a BBQ pit!'
Later in bed, husband said, 'Want to do it?'
Wife: 'It's a waste lighting up a BBQ pit for a small sausage.'

Have a nice day

[bigbirdbird]

Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1

(
(11) A loving husband had 'I Love You' tattoed on his dick.
When he got home, he showed it to his wife.
She said, 'There u go again, trying to put words in my mouth.'


Have a nice day

Nice one Pak

[Ignoranz]

Thanks all for sharing nice jokes!

[marsguy]

Originally Posted by S.B.Y.1

(12) Lady was trying on a dress.
Husband: 'Your bum is as big as a BBQ pit!'
Later in bed, husband said, 'Want to do it?'
Wife: 'It's a waste lighting up a BBQ pit for a small sausage.'

Thanks for sharing! This is a good one!

[grouchycabi]

Thanks for the jokes. Good thread to relax while other threads give us tension.

[meijipcc]

very nice jokes bros. hope there are more to come. support support.

[S.B.Y.1]

Wife to her Accountant husband:
what is inflation?
Husband:
Earlier you were 36-24-36. But now you are
48-40-48.
Though you have everything bigger than before, your value has become less than before.
This is INFLATION .😅

Economics is not that difficult if we have the right examples.
Interviewer: What is Recession?
Candidate: When "Wine & Women" get replaced by "Water & Wife", that critical phase of life is called Recession!!😅

Accountancy fact:
What is the difference between Liability & Asset?
A drunk friend is liability.
But,
A drunk Girlfriend is an Asset.
😋

An Economist beautifully explained two reasons for having 2 wives.
A- Monopoly should be broken.
B- Competition improves the quality of service.
If u have 1 wife, She fights with u!
If u have 2 wives, They will fight for you!!
----------------------------
When you are in love,
Wonders happen.
But once you get married,
You wonder, what happened.
----------------------------
Philosophy of marriage :
At the beginning,
every wife treats her husband as GOD..
Later, somehow don't know why..
alphabets get reversed..
----------------------------
Secret formula for married couples...
"Love One Another"
And if it doesn't work, bring the last word in the middle.!!!!
----------------------------

[lobangkingz]

Keep the jokes coming bro, great stuff.