Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[forbe]

Super laugh day. Thank you so much.

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

A sexy Irish blonde at a Casino, seemed a little intoxicated 😎

She bet 20,000 Euro on a single Roll of dice.

She said - "I hope you don't mind, but I feel Luckier when I'm nude."

With that, she removed her clothes, rolled the dice and yelled-
"Come on baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the Dice came to a stop, she jumped and yelled - "Yes, Yes,
I Won.. I Won.."

She hugged each dealer and picked up her winnings and clothes and left.

The dealers gazed at each other, dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked-
"What number rolled on the dice?"
The other - "I don't know, I thought you were watching."

Moral of the story:

1.Not All drunks are Drunk😉,
2.Not all Blondes are dumb😳,
3. But all Men are Men!!!

[Hurricane88]

Joke of the day..😜🤣🤣🤣

Son asking father.."what is the difference between rape, romance and marriage..?"

Father..."In rape you have to tear clothes.
In romance, you have to remove clothes.
*In marriage you have to wash clothes..*"😄😄

[otamay]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Joke of the day..😜🤣🤣🤣

Son asking father.."what is the difference between rape, romance and marriage..?"

Father..."In rape you have to tear clothes.
In romance, you have to remove clothes.
*In marriage you have to wash clothes..*"😄😄

Hahaha nice joke. Tks.

[FeelJones]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Joke of the day..😜🤣🤣🤣

Son asking father.."what is the difference between rape, romance and marriage..?"

Father..."In rape you have to tear clothes.
In romance, you have to remove clothes.
*In marriage you have to wash clothes..*"😄😄

ROFL thanks bro!!

[paliki]

Originally Posted by ah rat

__________________

Haha very good one bro

[bigbirdbird]

A truck driver was pulled over by a State Trooper.

The patrolman told him to get out of the truck, and noticed that the driver appeared to be putting something in his mouth as he stepped out of the cab.

Figuring that the driver was putting away his pep pills, the patrolman asked "Did I just see you swallow something?"

"Yep, that was my birth control pill," said the driver.

"Birth control pill?" asked the patrolman.

"Yep, when I saw your flashing light, I knew I was gonna get fucked."


**************


A typical family of hillbillies, Paw, Maw, Jethro and little Sally.

One day, Jethro asked, "Paw, what is Sex?"

Paw says, "Since you are a big boy I will show you."

Paw hollers, "Maw get yourself in here!" Paw then says,"Maw, take your clothes off and get on the bed. Now spread your legs."

Paw says,"Jethro see that thar little hole? Now watch this!"

In the midst of Paw's demonstration Little Sally comes in and exclaims, "What is going on? "

Jethro answers, "Paw is teaching me about sex."

Little Sally asks, "What is Sex?"

Jethro replies, "See that little hole on Paw? Now watch this!"

[bigbirdbird]

Prostate Exam


After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test via the National Health Service, a friend of mine decided to have his next test carried out while visiting in San Francisco, where the beautiful nurses are rather more gentle and accommodating.

As usual he was asked to strip off, he lay naked on his side on the bed and the nurse began the examination.

"At this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection" said the nurse.

"I haven't got an erection" said the man.

"No, but I have," replied the nurse.

[bigbirdbird]

Angry with My Wife


A young guy was complaining to his boss about the problems he was having with his stubborn girlfriend.

"She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her, the young man exclaimed.

"Well, I'll tell you what I used to do with my wife" replied the boss. "Whenever she got out of hand, I'd take her pants down and spank her."

Shaking his head, the young guy replied, "That doesn't work. Once I get her pants down I'm not angry anymore."

[bigbirdbird]

Choking Woman

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.

After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

[bigbirdbird]

Paranoid


A man was so paranoid about the size of his 'Willy' that he could never work up the courage to have Sex.

Then one day he fell in love with a Nurse.

One fine evening, they went back to her place. She put on some soft music and led him into the bedroom.

Totally mortified, he told her of his problem.

“Don't worry," She said. "I'm a Nurse. I won't laugh.”

Blushing the man drops his trousers. "It's OK," she said.

"I've seen lots smaller than that One"..

"Really??" the relieved man asked.

She nodded. "Yes, I used to work in the Maternity Ward," she chuckled.

[bigbirdbird]

Divorce


A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce.

The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell the court why you are seeking a divorce."

"Because," the man says, "I live in a three-story house."

The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a three-story house?"

The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' and the second story is ...'It's that time of the month."...and the third story is, … "NO.. we'll wake the children. "

[dyelook]

........

[Hurricane88]

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:

1. Feed him
2. Give him SEX when he wants it (which is quite regular &#129315
3. Leave him in peace
4. Don't check his phone (Msgs)
5. Don't bother him with his movements
6. Clean the house
7. Wash his clothes.

So what's so hard about that?

HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY:
VOLUME (1)

It's really not too difficult but... To make a woman happy, a man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a good lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a plumber
10. a mechanic
11. a carpenter
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

44. give her compliments regularly
45. go shopping with her
46. be honest
47. not stress her out
48. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

49. give her lots of attention
50. give her lots of time, especially time for herself and her girlfriends
51. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

BUT MOST OF ALL IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

52. You Should learn never to ask for change when u give her money for shopping. Whatever u give out becomes rightly hers no matter how big the note is.$$$$
.........
TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY IS A SERIOUS BUSINESS.
Remember if you were to failed in any of the above then YOU becomes the WORSE man in the world..😄😀😃😜🌹 Send this to everyone male on your list.

[Hurricane88]

Laughter best medicine...

[Hurricane88]

Physicians were unable to reach a consensus: Should Brexit take place? The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Brexiters had a lot of nerve. Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!" The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow. The Plastic Surgeons opined that May’s proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter." The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea. Anesthesiologists though it was all a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no. In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Parliament.