Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[cumonsense]

Originally Posted by StrongBrew

During a war, a warrior shouted against 3 ladies
Warrior: I am going to rape you all.
Younger lady: But please leave our grand mother. She's 73 years old.
Grand mother: Shut up, war is war.

Horny grandma!!

[mvkhem]

*Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!*

*TEACHER* : John is climbing a tree to pick some
mangoes. ( Begin the sentence with Mangoes)
*Student* : Mangoes, John is coming to pick you
.
. 😁😁😁😁😁😁
.
*Definitely Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!*
.
*TEACHER* : What do you call mosquitoes in your language?
*Student*: We don't call them, they come on their own.
.
. 😬😬😬😬😬😬
.
*TEACHER* : How can we keep our school clean?
*Student*: By staying at home.
.
. 😊😊😊😊😊😊
.
*English Grammar class.*

Teacher: What's the difference between *"He cleans the plate"* and *"the plate is cleaned by him."*

Student: In first sentence *'HE' is not married,* but in second sentence *'He' is married....*

👌👌😂😂👌👌
The ultimate & the most encouraging
logic in English Grammar:-

‘If more than one mouse is mice,
then more than one Spouse is Spice.’😂😂😝😝

[StrongBrew]

A man sits in the dock at the court, with his neck bended down.
The judge: "Why did you rape the girl?"
"I liked her."
"Why did you raped the boy?"
"I liked him."
"Sir, why don't you look to my eyes when you talk to me?"
"I'm afraid I'll like you…"

[Broadings]

Originally Posted by mvkhem

*Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!*

*TEACHER* : John is climbing a tree to pick some
mangoes. ( Begin the sentence with Mangoes)
*Student* : Mangoes, John is coming to pick you
.
. 😁😁😁😁😁😁
.
*Definitely Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!*
.
*TEACHER* : What do you call mosquitoes in your language?
*Student*: We don't call them, they come on their own.
.
. 😬😬😬😬😬😬
.
*TEACHER* : How can we keep our school clean?
*Student*: By staying at home.
.
. 😊😊😊😊😊😊
.
*English Grammar class.*

Teacher: What's the difference between *"He cleans the plate"* and *"the plate is cleaned by him."*

Student: In first sentence *'HE' is not married,* but in second sentence *'He' is married....*

👌👌😂😂👌👌
The ultimate & the most encouraging
logic in English Grammar:-

‘If more than one mouse is mice,
then more than one Spouse is Spice.’😂😂😝😝

Nice joke bro, thanks!

[Boarding]

Originally Posted by mvkhem

*Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!*

*TEACHER* : John is climbing a tree to pick some
mangoes. ( Begin the sentence with Mangoes)
*Student* : Mangoes, John is coming to pick you
.
. 😁😁😁😁😁😁
.
*Definitely Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!*
.
*TEACHER* : What do you call mosquitoes in your language?
*Student*: We don't call them, they come on their own.
.
. 😬😬😬😬😬😬
.
*TEACHER* : How can we keep our school clean?
*Student*: By staying at home.
.
. 😊😊😊😊😊😊
.
*English Grammar class.*

Teacher: What's the difference between *"He cleans the plate"* and *"the plate is cleaned by him."*

Student: In first sentence *'HE' is not married,* but in second sentence *'He' is married....*

👌👌😂😂👌👌
The ultimate & the most encouraging
logic in English Grammar:-

‘If more than one mouse is mice,
then more than one Spouse is Spice.’😂😂😝😝

Nice joke bro, thanks!

[Hurricane88]

*Some years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco.*

*Mensa, is an international organization for people who have an IQ of 140 or higher.*

*Several of the Mensa members went out for lunch at a local cafe.*

*When they sat down, one of them discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper, and their pepper shaker was full of salt.*

*How could they swap the contents of the two bottles without spilling any, and using only the implements at hand?*

*Clearly -- this was a job for Mensa minds.*

*The group debated the problem and presented ideas and finally, came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer.*

*They then called the waitress over, ready to dazzle her with their solution.*

*"Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker contains pepper..."*

*But before they could finish, the waitress interrupted & said...*

*"Oh -- sorry about that."*

*She leaned over the table, unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.*

*There was dead silence at the Mensa table.*

*For most of the problems in our lives there are simple solutions, but it is our “Brilliant” minds that complicate every simple solution. ...Change the Caps and enjoy life !!*

[Hurricane88]

Picture laughter...

[StrongBrew]

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog.
He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?"
The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite."
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
"Ouch!"
He says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!"
The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog!"

[StrongBrew]

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."
Well, you can imagine her disappointment.
The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything.
She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"
He replies, "You haven't used what I got for you last year!"

[potatocernmit]

Originally Posted by StrongBrew

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."
Well, you can imagine her disappointment.
The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything.
She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"
He replies, "You haven't used what I got for you last year!"

Hahaha good 1

[StrongBrew]

Two elderly people living in different old folks home, he was a Widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center.
The two were at the same table, across from one another as the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered
the courage to walk over and ask her, " Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of ' careful consideration' , she answered "Yes. Yes, I will. "
The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places.

Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember.
Try as he might, he just could not recall.
Not even a faint memory.
After thinking for a while, he went to the telephone and called her.

First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to.
Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.
As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"
He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart."
Then she continued, "I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."

[Caraboa]

Originally Posted by StrongBrew

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog.
He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?"
The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite."
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
"Ouch!"
He says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!"
The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog!"

Hahaha nice joke!

[StrongBrew]

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he says.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy!
Daddy!
Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.
You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!

[Fraw]

Originally Posted by mvkhem

*Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!*

*TEACHER* : John is climbing a tree to pick some
mangoes. ( Begin the sentence with Mangoes)
*Student* : Mangoes, John is coming to pick you
.
. 😁😁😁😁😁😁
.
*Definitely Not Easy to be a Teacher !!!!!*
.
*TEACHER* : What do you call mosquitoes in your language?
*Student*: We don't call them, they come on their own.
.
. 😬😬😬😬😬😬
.
*TEACHER* : How can we keep our school clean?
*Student*: By staying at home.
.
. 😊😊😊😊😊😊
.
*English Grammar class.*

Teacher: What's the difference between *"He cleans the plate"* and *"the plate is cleaned by him."*

Student: In first sentence *'HE' is not married,* but in second sentence *'He' is married....*

👌👌😂😂👌👌
The ultimate & the most encouraging
logic in English Grammar:-

‘If more than one mouse is mice,
then more than one Spouse is Spice.’😂😂😝😝

Nice share bro, thanks!

[SBMEDSUP]

Originally Posted by StrongBrew

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."
Well, you can imagine her disappointment.
The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything.
She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"
He replies, "You haven't used what I got for you last year!"

Nice and funny joke.