Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[AhSoonNo1]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"

He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my boss died in the middle of a meeting!"
😜😝😝😂😂

LMAO very funny. Thanks.

[Hurricane88]

A man working in an IT Company 🏢 became sick...
He consulted many Multi Specialty Hospitals 🏥... Still he couldn't get cured...
He was sad...

Then his wife 👩advised him "Why don't you consult a Veterinary doctor?"

He was shocked 😨😳...
He screamed at her... "Are you mad... ?" 😡

She spoke softly... "Nothing happened to me.... It is you having a problem... You wake up early in the morning 🌞 like a Cock 🐔, take half bath like a Crow , eat something like a Monkey 🐒, then run to office like a Race Horse 🐎, you work like a Donkey , there you scream at your juniors like a Wild Bear 🐻, evening 🌝 you reach home and bark at us like a Dog 🐕, then you eat like a Crocodile 🐊, 🌚 you go to bed and sleep like a Buffalo 🐃... 😴😴..........
That's the reason why I asked you to meet a Veterinary doctor..."

The man just sat there shocked looking at his wife.. 😳

Wife asked him, *"Now why are you looking at me like an Owl🦉...?"*
😂😂😀😃😭😰

[Hurricane88]

. 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂

A man went to a *RED LIGHT AREA*

The *Pimp* had named the *sex workers* using *car brands...*

*Pimp :* " U may choose any one , Sir !"

BMW - RM 1,000/-
Mercedes - RM 800/-
Toyota - RM 600/-
Honda - RM 500/-
Ford - RM 300/-
Volkswagen - RM 100/-

Man ordered a *Volkswagen and was shocked to see a GAY....*

*Man :* " What the f@*&% is this. You sent me a Gay ? "

*Pimp :* " Sir , for the Volkswagen , the engine is behind .....! " 😜

[Hurricane88]

*Actual Meanings of WhatsApp Emoticons*...

😳 Awkward Erection
😚 Sucking on nipple
😱 Walked in during sex
😏 Horny
😍 You have Big Tits
😨 The Condom Broke
😖 Just lost virginity
😲 Blow job with eyes open
😝 Ass Rimming
👅 Licking Pussy
😉 Lets do It?
😷 Blow job not allowed
👉👌 Sex (Duh!)
👋 Spanking Ass
💑 Lovemaking
💏 Making Out
👯 Bar Dancers
🤘Fingering
👉👈 Gay Sex
🙇 Jacking Off
💩👈 Anal Sex
💋 Simple Kiss
👄 French Kiss
☔ You're so Wet that I'll Need an Umbrella
☎ Phone Sex
😮Deep throat
💦 I'm cumming
😓 After the 4th fuck
😨 Again ??
🎰 Threesome
☝Virgin
🖖🏽Spread your legs..!!
😊 Sex was nice
😎 Sex during sunlight
🔥 Burning sensation
👽 Sex with an alien
💅 Scratching during sex
👑 Sex with a princess
🎩 Magical sex
💪 Powerful sex
👔👗 Sex with clothes on
👙 Sex with little clothes
👥 Sex with a stranger
✊🏽Masturbation
〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰
*Don't simply use emoticons ok*..

[ilovelife.now]

An ah lian, a cewek and a indian are stuck on an island and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."

The cewek says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband and my life. I just want to go home."

Poof! The cewek gets her wish, and she is returned to her family.

The indian says, "I've also been stuck here for years, and I wish I could go home, too."

Poof! The indian gets her wish, and she is returned to her family.

The ah lian starts crying uncontrollably.

The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"

The ah lian whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."

[ilovelife.now]

A man with a stutter answers an ad for "bible salesman wanted".

He walks into the office and says " I wanna suh, suh, sell buh, buh, buh, bibles ! "

The office manager, holding back a laugh, replies "sure thing, just take this here box and go door-to-door until they are gone. Then come back for more."

The office manager is amazed when the man comes back the next day and says "I nuh, nuh, nuh, need muh, muh, more buh, buh, buh, buh, bibles ! "

The office manager is dumbstruck but agrees to give the man another box, with one condition. "You have to tell me how you did it. "He says.

"Well I just nah, nah, nock on the duh, duh, duh, door and say, I'm suh, suh, suh, selling buh, buh, buh, bibles. Wuh, wuh, wuh, would you like to buh, buh, buh, buy one or should I reh, reh, reh, READ IT TO YOU? "

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[Hurricane88]

This joke and also true...

[bigbirdbird]

Little Johnny gets “The Talk”





Little Johnny's mother decided to tell him all about making babies, so she had "the talk" with him.

Afterwards Little Johnny just sat there silently for a while.

"Do you understand?" his mother asked.

"Yes," replied Little Johnny.

"Do you have any questions?" asked his Mother.

"Yes, how about little kittens and puppies?" asked Little Johnny.

"In exactly the same way as with babies", answered his Mom.

"Wow!" Little Johnny exclaimed. "My daddy will fuck ANYTHING!"

[bigbirdbird]

The Perfect Woman Would Say.....

1. I'll swallow it all....I love the taste.

2. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?

3. I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!

4. Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Tawnee over for a threesome!

5. God... .f I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!

6. I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?

7. You're so sexy when you're hung over.

8. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.

9. Let's subscribe to Hustler.

10. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?

11. Say, let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses.

12. I'll be out painting the house.

13. I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too.

14. Honey..our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!

15. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.

16. No, no, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.

17. Your mother did a great job raising you.

18. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's day thing and buy yourself new clubs.

19. I understand fully...our anniversary comes every year for God's sake. You go hunting with the guys, it's a wonderful stress reliever.

20. Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your buddies?

21. Not the fucking mall again, come on let's go to that new strip joint!

22. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8.

23. You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings.

24. That was a great fart! Do another one!

25. I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for ya...

[bigbirdbird]

[Westpaw]

Originally Posted by ilovelife.now

A man with a stutter answers an ad for "bible salesman wanted".

He walks into the office and says " I wanna suh, suh, sell buh, buh, buh, bibles ! "

The office manager, holding back a laugh, replies "sure thing, just take this here box and go door-to-door until they are gone. Then come back for more."

The office manager is amazed when the man comes back the next day and says "I nuh, nuh, nuh, need muh, muh, more buh, buh, buh, buh, bibles ! "

The office manager is dumbstruck but agrees to give the man another box, with one condition. "You have to tell me how you did it. "He says.

"Well I just nah, nah, nock on the duh, duh, duh, door and say, I'm suh, suh, suh, selling buh, buh, buh, bibles. Wuh, wuh, wuh, would you like to buh, buh, buh, buy one or should I reh, reh, reh, READ IT TO YOU? "

Hahaha this is a good one, thanks bro!!

[Hurricane88]

Internet addiction joke ...







A MALAYSIA TOURIST IN LONDON

Foo, a 'young' Malaysian tourist on his first visit to London, locates the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain the client.

They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!

Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap.
He whispers in her ear and she screams, "No!" and walks away quickly.

The madam is surprised that this ordinary-looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with it. She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola looks a bit tired, but she has never said no and it doesn't seem likely that anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Foo. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!", smacks him as hard as she can, and literally runs away too!

Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time, but she did it for many years before she got into management. She's sure she has said yes at one time or another to everything a man could possibly ask for. The challenge is irresistible.

She just has to find out what this man wants that has made her girls so angry. And she sees a chance she can't pass up to show off to her employees how good she was at what they do. So she goes over to Foo and says that she's the best in the house and she, herself, is available.

She sits and talks with him. They frolic a bit,giggle a bit, drink a
little, and she sits in his lap. And then Foo leans forward and
whispers in her ear ..


"Can I pay in Malaysian Ringgit?"

No Way...

That's the sad value of the Ringgit today!!

[Hurricane88]

interesting or joke...

[wymore]

Fantastic joke bro, Thanks.

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

A MALAYSIA TOURIST IN LONDON

Foo, a 'young' Malaysian tourist on his first visit to London, locates the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain the client.

They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!

Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap.
He whispers in her ear and she screams, "No!" and walks away quickly.

The madam is surprised that this ordinary-looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with it. She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola looks a bit tired, but she has never said no and it doesn't seem likely that anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Foo. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!", smacks him as hard as she can, and literally runs away too!

Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time, but she did it for many years before she got into management. She's sure she has said yes at one time or another to everything a man could possibly ask for. The challenge is irresistible.

She just has to find out what this man wants that has made her girls so angry. And she sees a chance she can't pass up to show off to her employees how good she was at what they do. So she goes over to Foo and says that she's the best in the house and she, herself, is available.

She sits and talks with him. They frolic a bit,giggle a bit, drink a
little, and she sits in his lap. And then Foo leans forward and
whispers in her ear ..


"Can I pay in Malaysian Ringgit?"

No Way...

That's the sad value of the Ringgit today!!