Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[SBMEDSUP]

Originally Posted by Sixty6

That's why never ever trust the government

Trust at your own peril.

[ah rat]

[Hurricane88]

Hilarious ... i am still laughing

Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.

Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband shouted , "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.

A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"

"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a ghost, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll Give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for! the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the ghost. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"

"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the ghost asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the ghost said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire,burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, ghost?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"

"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband.

"I'd do the same for you!" So the ghost and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon. The ghost was insatiable.
After about three hours of non-stop fun, the ghost looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
ghost smile –

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Really???

Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in ghosts???😂😂😂

[Hurricane88]

Last night in Hangzhou, Fujian province, a woman carrying a chopper went to a cinema fuming. The security guard stopped her and asked her what she was doing there. She replied angrily...my husband inside the cinema with his GF celebrating Lovers Day. I am going to teach him a lesson. Security guard said it's very dark inside. You will not be able to find him. Better wait outside the door and catch him on his way out. Woman agreed. Meanwhile security guard asked the operator to flash a message on the screen "Woman with chopper outside the door. Looking for husband watching movie with GF. You are advised to leave quietly via the side door". Half the audience left immediately.
*True story!* 🤣

[Hurricane88]

A successful man working as an engineer in a large company tells his boss one day,
“If you want me to continue working for you, I need a 20% raise.
You have 24 hours to give me an answer.
I have four companies chasing me, so let me know your decision”.

The boss is alarmed. “In this recession, a 20 percent raise?
So many employees are being laid off, and so many others have seen a major cut in their salaries, yet you want a 20% raise?”

"I will not argue with you," says the employee.
"As I said, there are four companies pursuing me, so just let me know your decision."

Next day, the boss calls him in, and says, that due to his great performance he decided to comply and will give him the requested raise.

"Great," the man says, “ I will continue gladly with you."

As he is leaving, his boss asked,
"Out of curiosity, who are the four companies chasing you?"


"Oh" the man responded,
"Maybank Debit Card, BSN Home Loan, Bank Rakyat Personal Loan and Citibank Master Card."
😛😂

[Hurricane88]

[Hurricane88]

[etsys]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

😂😂

*why doctors attend my anger management course *

A woman comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain "Please doctor, you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."

DOCTOR: "Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."

WOMAN: "You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."

DOCTOR: "No, you don't understand! I'll put some cream on the place you were stung."

WOMAN: "Oh! It happened in the garden where I was sitting under a tree."'

DOCTOR (in anger): "No, no, you IDIOT!
I mean on which part of your body did that bee sting."

WOMAN (still screaming in pain): "On my finger! The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts."

DOCTOR (banging his fist, abusing and shouting):"Which one?"

WOMAN (innocently): "How am I to know? All bees look the same to me."
👏👏😀😀😀😀👏👏

[SBMEDSUP]

Originally Posted by etsys

😂😂

*why doctors attend my anger management course *

A woman comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain "Please doctor, you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."

DOCTOR: "Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."

WOMAN: "You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."

DOCTOR: "No, you don't understand! I'll put some cream on the place you were stung."

WOMAN: "Oh! It happened in the garden where I was sitting under a tree."'

DOCTOR (in anger): "No, no, you IDIOT!
I mean on which part of your body did that bee sting."

WOMAN (still screaming in pain): "On my finger! The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts."

DOCTOR (banging his fist, abusing and shouting):"Which one?"

WOMAN (innocently): "How am I to know? All bees look the same to me."
👏👏😀😀😀😀👏👏

Thanks for posting nice jokes.

[dyelook]

bbbbbbb's bumps...

[ah rat]

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[ah rat]

Double post

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[dyelook]

Originally Posted by ah rat

Double post

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double laughter bumps...

[ah rat]

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[ah rat]

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