Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[warbird]

The Mistresses Dilemma.

It was the 1930s and a rich banker and his wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, "Who the heck was THAT?" "Oh," replies the husband sheepishly, "she's just my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw!" says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce." "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more expensive cars in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Jim? " asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. His wife huffed. "Ours is prettier."

[kangels]

Originally Posted by UncleHasBeen

I am getting old and i know it.
How?

PCC halfway and i stopped.
Never mind, fuck it, am tired, i am done.

Hand, KKJ or mind is tired?

[dyelook]

Originally Posted by UncleHasBeen

I am getting old and i know it.
How?

PCC halfway and i stopped.
Never mind, fuck it, am tired, i am done.

you better than me lah, bro...
pcc halfway & fell dead asleep...
laughter bumps...

[Hurricane88]

*Humorous description of seven stages of Life.😊.*

*1.)* 👼 0-5 years we experience many "SPILLS" ...

*2.)* 👶 6-16 years we undergo many "DRILLS" ...

*3.)* 👱 17-25 years we discover many "THRILLS" ...

*4.)* 👦 26-40 years we have to pay many "BILLS" ...

*5.)* 👨 41-60 years we take many "PILLS" ...

*6.)* 👳 61-75 years we suffer many "ILLS" ...

*7.)* 👴 76 years & above we worry about our "WILLS" ....

*Thereafter we smile and remain STILL!* 😀😂😇

the best way to go about these _ills_

is to *CHILL*😎

[SBMEDSUP]

Thanks for more nice jokes.

[Hurricane88]

Malaysian English..
80% of Malaysians going to UK to study law.

Source : Immigration Officer Heathrow

UK Immigration Officer: Purpose of visit?

Visitor: I'm here to study law, sir.

Officer: You know, you must have a lot of lawyers in Malaysia .

Visitor: Why do you say that?

Officer: Well, I've been here for a good twenty years, and I'd say 80% of Malaysians I see here say they're here to study law.

Visitor: Oh, really? That's really something I never knew. Hard to believe in fact.

Officer: Just you watch, then. You just stand here until the next Malaysian comes along, and I'll bet he's here to study law.

*Visitor waited for 5 mins, Chong from Malaysia comes to immigration counter*

Officer: Mr.Chong, purpose of visit?

Ah Chong: Study lor.

[etsys]

My humble contribution

[Hurricane88]

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[kume2me]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Butt plug?

[BugisBen]

Camping for more jokes

[Stinkant]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Malaysian English..
80% of Malaysians going to UK to study law.

Source : Immigration Officer Heathrow

UK Immigration Officer: Purpose of visit?

Visitor: I'm here to study law, sir.

Officer: You know, you must have a lot of lawyers in Malaysia .

Visitor: Why do you say that?

Officer: Well, I've been here for a good twenty years, and I'd say 80% of Malaysians I see here say they're here to study law.

Visitor: Oh, really? That's really something I never knew. Hard to believe in fact.

Officer: Just you watch, then. You just stand here until the next Malaysian comes along, and I'll bet he's here to study law.

*Visitor waited for 5 mins, Chong from Malaysia comes to immigration counter*

Officer: Mr.Chong, purpose of visit?

Ah Chong: Study lor.

Nice one. I think many Singaporeans also studying law.

[Hurricane88]

*BREAKING NEWS:*

Bill Gates resigns as
Chairman of Microsoft after receiving the following letter from an African Man ..


"Dear Sir,

I haf some kweshin to ask:

Namba Wan - The keyboard alphabets are not in order, when will you launch the correct version?

Namba Too - There is a 'Start' button but no 'Stop' button, where is it?

Namba Tree - I have already learned Microsoft Word, when will you launch Microsoft Sentence?

Namba Por - There is a recycle bin but... There is no one who comes to collect the bin.

Pynali ..eh fersonal question: Why is your name Gates when you sell Windows?"

🤣😂😂🤣 may your day be filled with undiluted laughter.

enjoy

[Hurricane88]

Mobile phone Etiquettes! 📲

After a tiring day, a young lady settled down on her MRT seat and closed her eyes to relax.

As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her, pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice...

"Hi Sweetheart, its Daniel. I'm on the train... Yes, I know it's six thirty and not four thirty, but I had a long meeting... No, honey, I was not with Mary from Accounts, I was with the Boss attending the meeting... No Sweetheart, You're the only one in my life... Yes, I'm sure dear!"

Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly. When the young woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone, "Daniel darling, hang up the phone and come back to bed."

Now, Daniel is back from hospital and doesn't use his mobile phone in public any longer.

[Hurricane88]