Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[UncleHasBeen]

Their superpowers

[ferr4ri]

Cool Grandma

A woman is having her first baby and her husband is by her side. When she gets the strongest contraction, she screams at her husband and says "this is all your fault!!!!"

He replies: " No, you remember wrongly babe, Remember when I wanted to put it in your ass and you said no cos it will be too painful??? Who's in pain now???" Wife shouts back! "You know I only wanted a backrub right!"

Husband says calmly: "and your know I only wanted a BJ"

Grandma is sitting quietly by her WhatsApp Video Call watching this unfold and says "I am going to make a onesie that says "Mummy only wanted a backrub and daddy only wanted a BJ"

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[warbird]

The Mysterious Smiles


Three new male corpses were delivered to the morgue one day, each with a great big smile on his face. A police inspector went to the morgue to meet the mortician.

The mortician examined each of them and said who they were and their cause of death.

"First body- Frenchman, aged 60, died making love to his mistress, hence the smile on his face."

"Second body- Irishman, aged 30, won ten thousand euros in the lottery, spent it all on whiskey, and died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile on his face."

The inspector then asked, "What about the third body?"

The mortician says, "Ah, this is perhaps the most unlikely of all. Billy-bob, a farm boy from Oklahoma, aged 25, was struck by lightning".

"Then why was he smiling?"

"He thought he was getting his picture taken".


Warbird's note: Not a bad way to go for the first man, but he was only 60 yo. Would be great if he was 95 and his mistress was a gorgeous 19 yo SYT.

[Hurricane88]

Joke. 😅😂

A 70 year Old Retired Military officer had one Hobby..... He loved to Fish.

He was sitting in His Boat the other Day when He heard
A voice say, 'Pick Me Up.'

He looked around and couldn't see Anyone.

He thought He was Dreaming
When He heard the Voice say again,
''Pick me up. '

He looked in the Water and There....Floating on the top, was a Frog.

The Retd Officer said,
'Are You talking to Me?'

The Frog said,
'Yes, I'm talking to You.
Pick Me up, then Kiss Me; and I'll turn into the Most Beautiful Woman you have ever seen.
I'll make Sure that all Your friends will be envious and jealous, because I will be Your Bride!'

The Retired Offr looked at the Frog for a short time, reached over.....Picked it up Carefully and.......
Placed it in His Shirt Pocket.

The Frog said,
'What, are you Nuts?
Didn't You hear what I Said?'
I said, 'Kiss me,
And I will be Your Beautiful Bride.'

He opened His Pocket,
Looked at the Frog and said,

'Nah. I'd Rather like have a Talking Frog
Than a Nagging Wife..🤣

With Age Comes Wisdom & Experience.

[Hurricane88]

Matthew saw Samuel his ex business partner begging on the street and invited him to get into his limousine. What happened to your share of $15 million each of us received? Matthew asked? Samuel answered "Well, I bought a yacht for $5 mil and just as we were coming out of a fiord in Norway, hit an iceberg and it sank.
Then I bought a jet and taking off from Manila the tires burst and it crashed. Decided to retire in Monaco with remaining $5 mil and met this gorgeous woman and got married. After 2 years and a divorce, she took off with my remaining $5 mil. And so, here I am! My god, Samuel. So what did you learn out of all this? Matthew asked? Samuel replied "If anything floats, flies or fucks, rent it! Don't buy it.
🤣😅😂

[Hurricane88]

[awoz]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Johnny's the best!

[SBMEDSUP]

Thanks for contribution.

[onglai99]

Originally Posted by awoz

Johnny's the best!

Who loves johnny

[SforSEX]

Camping here for more jokes

[Hurricane88]

For lovers of English language.


----------------------
I met a surgeon who named his son Naïf (pronounced Knife).

I said what an apt name!

Then I came to know the following:

1. Lawyer’s daughter Sue.
2. Radiologist’s son Ray.
3. Ophthalmologist’s daughter Iris.
4. Florist’s daughter Rose.
5. Mechanic’s son Jack.
6. Archaeologist’s son Doug.
7. Thief’s son Rob.
8. Gymnast’s son Jim.
9. Jeweler’s twin daughters Ruby and Pearl.
10. Ornithologist’s son Robin.
11. Orthopedician’s son Boney.
12. Barber’s son Harry.
13. Solicitor’s son Will.
14. Accountant’s son Bill.
15. Horticulturist’s daughter Ivy.
16. Gardener’s son Pete.
17. Monarch’s son Prince.
18. Dramatist’s daughter Oprah.
19. Sanitation engineer’s son John.
20. Highway engineer’s son Miles.
21. Dietician’s daughter Olive.
22. Actor’s son Oscar.
23. Photographer's son: Click.
24. Gastro-physician's daughter: Enema
25. Homeopath's daughter: Arnica. 26. Teacher's son Mark

[Hurricane88]

Revisit...
❤️
Passionate Sex at 95....! And warning too 😂😂 full life age no limitation.

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Rubia went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, 'He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning'.

Horrified, Rubia told her grandmother that people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

'Oh no, my dear,' replied granny. 'Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring.. It was just the right rhythm.. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply *in* on the Ding and *out* on the Dong.'

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued........ 'He'd still be alive if the damn fire engine had not passed by'. 🤣😂😜

[whitebull]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Revisit...
❤️
Passionate Sex at 95....! And warning too 😂😂 full life age no limitation.

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued........ 'He'd still be alive if the damn fire engine had not passed by'. 🤣😂😜

This is really farny
tku H88, up ur rep again when i can.

[SforSEX]

Nice jokes. Please post more...