Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Hurricane88]

PM Ismail

Ismail asked S'pore PM Lee Hsien Loong, "Lee, how do you run such an efficient gomen? Are there any tips you can give to me?"
" Well," said Lee, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with smart people."
Ismail frowned, and then asked, " But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"
Lee took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."
Lee pressed an intercom button.
"Please send DPM Tharman Shanmugaratnam in here, would you?"
DPM Tharman Shanmugaratnam walked into the room and said, "Yes, Mr Lee?"
Lee smiled and said, "Answer me this please, Tharman, your mother and father have a child.
It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Tharman answered, "That would be me."
"Yes! Very good," said Hsien Loong.
Ismail went back home to ask Pasir Salak MP the same question. "answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child.
It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," said Tajuddin. "Let me get back to you on that one..."
He went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer.
Finally, he ended up in the men's room and recognized Lim Guan Eng's shoes in the next toilet.
Tajuddin didn't want but asked anyway, "Lim, can you answer this for me?
Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?
Lim yelled back, "That's easy, it's me!"
Tajuddin smiled, and said, "Thanks!"
Then, he went back to speak with Ismail.
"Sir, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle.
It's Lim Guan Eng!"
Ismail got up, stomped over to Tajuddin, and angrily yelled into his face.
"No! You idiot! It's Tharman Shanmugaratnam !
*THAT IS PRECISELY WHAT'S GOING ON WITH FEDERAL GOVERNMENT IN PUTRAJAYA TODAY.

[SBMEDSUP]

Always nice to read jokes. Thanks

[Hurricane88]

*A LADY'S DIARY ON A CRUISE SHIP*

DEAR DIARY : DAY 1

*All packed for the cruise ship -- all my sexiest dresses and make-up. Really excited.*

DEAR DIARY : DAY 2

*Entire day at sea, beautiful saw whales and dolphins.*
*Met the Captain today ~ seems like a very nice man.*

DEAR DIARY : DAY 3

*At the pool today. Also some shuffle boarding and hit golf balls off the deck.*
*Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner.*
*Felt honoured and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.*

DEAR DIARY : DAY 4

*Won $800 in the ship's casino.*
*Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin.*
*Had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne.*

*He asked me to stay the night but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband.*

DEAR DIARY : DAY 5

*Pool again today, got sun burnt, and went inside to drink at piano bar for rest of day.*
*Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks. He really is charming.*
*Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined.*
*😡 He told me if I did not let him have his way with me he would sink the ship.*
*I was shocked.*

*DEAR DIARY* : *DAY 6*

*Today I saved 1600 lives.*

*TWICE !!!*

😎

[Hurricane88]

Here's a piece of trivia which I'll bet many of you aren't aware of.
Do you know that a cat leaves only 2 footprints instead of 4?
That's because it's hind legs step on the same spot where the front legs step.
That's "catwalk" for you. 🐈

[SBMEDSUP]

Originally Posted by Hurricane88

Here's a piece of trivia which I'll bet many of you aren't aware of.
Do you know that a cat leaves only 2 footprints instead of 4?
That's because it's hind legs step on the same spot where the front legs step.
That's "catwalk" for you. 🐈

Serious Indunno

[Hurricane88]

*The Age Of Relationships*

The story of four close friends from school, who studied in the same school up to SSC.

At that time, there was only one luxury hotel in the city.

After the SSC exam, they decided that they should go to that hotel and have some tea and breakfast. The four of them could hardly collect forty rupees. It was a Sunday and all four of them reached the hotel by bicycle at ten-thirty.

Dinesh, Santosh, Manish, and Praveen started talking while having breakfast and tea. All four of them decided unanimously, that they would meet again after 40 years in the same hotel on 1st April.

"Till then we all should work very hard. It will be interesting to see how much progress has been made after 40 years," they discussed.

It was also decided that the last one to reach the hotel then, would have to pay the bill for that day.

Kalu, the waiter who served them tea and snacks, was listening to all this. He said, "If I stay here till then, I'll be waiting for you all."

All four separated for further education.

Dinesh had left the city after his father got relocated, Santosh went to his uncle for further studies, and Manish and Praveen got admission to different colleges in the city.

Eventually, Manish also left the city.

Days, months, and years passed.

In forty years, the city underwent a radical change. The population of the city increased, and roads, flyovers, and malls changed the appearance of the city.

Now that hotel had become a five-star hotel, the waiter Kalu had now become Mr. Kalu, the owner of this hotel.

Forty years later, on the scheduled date, April 1st, at noon, a luxury car came to the door of the hotel.

Dinesh got out of the car and started walking towards the porch. He now had three jewellery showrooms.

Dinesh reached the hotel owner Mr. Kalu, and both of them kept looking at each other. Mr. Kalu said, “Praveen sir had booked a table for you a month back.”

Dinesh was heartily happy that he was the first of the four, so he wouldn't have to pay the bill that day and would make fun of his friends for it.

After a while, Santosh arrived. Santosh had become a big builder of the city. For his age, he now looked like an old senior citizen.

Now, they both were talking and waiting for the other friends. The third friend, Manish also came in half an hour. On talking to him, both of them came to know that Manish was now a businessman.

The three friends kept looking towards the door again and again, wondering when Praveen would come.

Soon, Mr. Kalu came to them and said, "A message has come from Praveen sir. He's asked you all to start with snacks, and he'll join you."

All three were happy to meet each other after forty years, laughing and joking for hours, but Praveen did not come.

Mr. Kalu said, "Praveen sir has sent another message, you three should order your favourites from the menu and start eating."

The food was ordered, but even after they had finished eating, Praveen did not show up. When the three asked for the bill, they were told that the bill has been paid online.

At eight o'clock in the evening, a young man got down from the car and with a heavy heart reached the three friends preparing to leave the hotel. The three couldn't take their eyes off the man.

The young man said, "I am your friend's son Ravi, my father's name is Praveen. Dad had told me about your get together today, he was waiting for this day, but he passed away last month due to a serious illness...

He had asked me to come late because if I had come early, it would have made you all sad. Dad had said, "My friends will not laugh if they come to know that I am not in this world, then they would lose the joy of meeting each other... I don't want that."

That's why he ordered me to come late. He also asked me to hug you on his behalf." Ravi spread both his hands with watery eyes.

Everyone around was eagerly watching this scene, they thought they had seen this young man somewhere.

Ravi said, "My father became a teacher and gave me a good education to become the collector. Today, I am the collector of this city..."

Everyone was amazed, Mr. Kalu said, "Now, it won't be after forty years, but we will meet in our hotel every month, and each time there will be a grand party from my side...."

*Friends, keep meeting your loved ones, don't wait for any opportunity to meet someone, we never know when it's time to get separated and we may never get to meet again...*

The journey of life is also like a train journey. When someone's station comes, they will have to be dropped at that moment. Only a few blurry memories would remain!

*Stay with family, feel the joy of being alive..*

Keep meeting your loved ones, not only on special days but also on other occasions, and sometimes without any reason too. May the tree of our relationships be nourished by the water of love, for whom we do not have to wait for any reason or opportunity to meet.

Dear friends, when you are reading this story, if someone comes to your mind, do talk to them for two minutes. We have all the facilities!

♾️

*"We must take time for the people around us and enjoy the beauty of life."*

[SBMEDSUP]

H88 nice classic jokes.

[Hurricane88]

[Hurricane88]

A little boy goes to his father and asks, “Daddy, how was I born?”

The father answers,

“Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: 'You've got male!'”

[Hurricane88]

*My Dear Wife*, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset----I shall be home before midnight.

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:
*My Dear Husband*, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 57 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 57 years old. As you know, I am a maths teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - *18 goes into 57* a lot more times than *57 goes into 18*. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow. 😂🤣

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[warbird]

Laughter The Best Medicine

The Art of dealing...

A retired old couple returned to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman promised to hold a car for them.

But they found the car was just sold to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and a halter top.

The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply, "Young man, you said you hold that car till we raised the $95,000 asking price, yet you closed the deal for $75,000 to the young lady there. And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no discount for this model !"

The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a large glass of water.

"Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready, didn't need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?", replied the grinning salesman sheepishly.

Just then the young woman walked over to the senior couple and gave the car keys to the old man.

"There you go," she said. "I told you I could get him to lower the price. See you later Dad, Happy Father's day."

Once again..... don't mess with seniors. I love this one.
A great laugh. 😛😛😛😛😛
Happy Father’s Day

[manhattan]

Nice jokes

[ah rat]

___________

[Hurricane88]

Today is Sperm Appreciation Day
Lets have a Moment of Silence in honor of those children who were not born but were......
1. Swallowed during a Blow job,
2. Thrown away in a Condom,
3. Washed in trousers during Masturbation,
4. Dropped on someones breast and died in tissue paper,
5. Slipped on someones hips and lost with water..
6. And many more untold incidents. ...
Consider Yourself very lucky to be alive. Coz You made it!

You are a Sperm That Survived!!
You were the fastest swimmer and you made it!!

You were a Sperm that survived while billions of others Perished.

So do not feel down. Live Life and Enjoy Life. If you made it when you were a Sperm... You can make it in
Life too!
😂😂😂😂😂
Screw all motivational leaders!! This is the best motivational speech u will ever hear!😂😁😂