Affair with A Japanese Lady. What should I do?

[Nelsonlim]

First time posting a thread on sbf. Have been wanting to get this off my chest and see if other bros have had similar experience or can share their opinion.

Background. I’m in my mid 30s, married with 3 kids. I have a happy family with my wife. About 4 years ago I stumbled onto sbf and started chionging, having tried locals and foreigners from the various stables here. Reason for chionging was out of curiosity and seeking excitement in the bedroom. However all the chionging, though they were physically stimulating, still couldn’t satisfy me. 1 year ago I created a dating app account and matched with a Japanese lady. We continued to see each other for a year until we broke off, but still occasionally text each other, with the most recent text from her wishing me being happy new year 2024.

About the lady. She is Japanese, in her early 30s. Smart, pretty, slim, demure and classy. She speaks Japanese and English. She was going through a divorce (finally settled the divorce in end 2023) with her husband in Japan. She claimed that she divorced her husband as he was an alcoholic. She had relocated to SG in early 2022 with her 3 children to start afresh. She found a job in the finance sector working in the CBD area in end 2022.

She had her wild days in uni. After she found out that her bf cheated on her in uni, she started to sleep around with many guys (all of whom were foreigners (white-men)) for about 2 years. She finally decided to stop when she matched with a guy (also a white man) on a dating app and they dated for a few months before they broke up. She started working in the finance sector in Japan, where she later met and married her then-husband (Japanese), with whom they had 3 children.

After she and I matched on the dating app, we met for the first time and immediately clicked. She knew that I was married. We went on for more dates. I was attracted to her physically, emotionally and mentally.

The first time we ever had sex was in my car. It was my first time doing it in the car. I don’t know if it is generalization of Japanese women or just her, but her body was simply amazing. I have had my share of chionging many girls but she is simply the best by far. Perhaps it was also the emotions and deep conversations that we shared other than the physical act. Her body was perfect to me. She has such a slim waist, b cup boobs, small perky nipples, smooth skin all over, delicate fingers and toes, large eyes, thick black hair, fine facial features, and very demure as you would imagine a Japanese woman is. Her sex skills are out of this world. She is very very very wet down there, easily squirts when I rub my penis against her pussy. I have to prepare lots of tissue whenever we have sex in my car. Despite her wild days in uni, her pussy looks as though she is a virgin. She mutters out “kimochi” and other Japanese terms when we do it. She lets me cum in her mouth. She is everything you see in Japanese AV videos. All sorts of positions. In missionary position she looks at me with her large innocent eyes and puts her hand at her mouth. She asks me to choke her sometimes. In doggy she asks me to hold her hand and pump her hard. After first round of sex and resting, she eats my dick to make me hard for sex again. The maximum sex we had in a day was 6 times in a hotel.

One of the kinkiest sex we had was in the backseat of my car, with her 1.5 year old daughter seated in the front passenger seat. Another time was in her house in her bedroom, with the same daughter clapping us on as we passionately made love.

Sex was her was crazy good. And I guess that was the main reason I continued to take the risk to see her, despite her character flaws. She was needy sometimes, yet other times she would take a long time to reply messages. She asked questions about my wife and I and would be disturbed by it. I understood her anguish as she wanted me to herself. She didn’t want me to divorce my wife and accepted this fact. She just wanted to spend time with me instead of with my family.

Afterwards, we broke off. One month after the break up, she texted me again all of a sudden. We began to meet again, but broke off again. Later I texted her and we started to meet again. But broke off, again. It was a final break for about 2 months. When she texted me suddenly. We met again. Incidentally, I found out that she was already seeing another guy. We then broke up because I told her to focus on the guy and I would do the same with my family. I was guessing that she was sleeping with the guy but wanted me around as a back up. She said it was only fair that she could do what I was doing. Meaning she could see other people while I enjoyed the company of my wife and her. Then one day, during New Year’s Day, she texted me happy new year. I replied her back and that was it.

What do you guys think? I really crave for sex with her because no other girl I have tried on sbf can match her, not even close. If I were to rekindle with her, it would only be just for sex. Isn’t this kind of arrangement like an open relationship, meaning she see other guys including me? Even though she says it’s only me. But I highly doubt it. She has even gone overseas with that guy. I am guessing they broke up. But who knows they will patch up again given her volatile dating history. But the feeling and knowledge of her being close to other guys just pains me so much. And I don’t want to share my body with other guys. She often shares with me her she gets picked up by men in the streets, by uncles, by younger men, her colleagues. In the other hand I’m tried of her extreme mood swings and disrespectful attitude towards me just becuase I’m married. I acknowledge that I’m wrong too. So I’m ready to just give her up and stop everything we had. The images of having intimate times with her still lingers in my head but seeing her is risky too, that I lose my family and reputation.

[RiverStyx]

Had one of those, great good sex, terrible temperament and attitude, but very sweet and endearing when in the mood.

The exhaustion after one of those mood swings just not worth it.
The mood swings is not due to not having you, it is her nature.
Things will only get worse.

Hands off before the burn happens.

[Laker]

Originally Posted by Nelsonlim

First time posting a thread on sbf. Have been wanting to get this off my chest and see if other bros have had similar experience or can share their opinion.

Background. I’m in my mid 30s, married with 3 kids. I have a happy family with my wife. About 4 years ago I stumbled onto sbf and started chionging, having tried locals and foreigners from the various stables here. Reason for chionging was out of curiosity and seeking excitement in the bedroom. However all the chionging, though they were physically stimulating, still couldn’t satisfy me. 1 year ago I created a dating app account and matched with a Japanese lady. We continued to see each other for a year until we broke off, but still occasionally text each other, with the most recent text from her wishing me being happy new year 2024.

About the lady. She is Japanese, in her early 30s. Smart, pretty, slim, demure and classy. She speaks Japanese and English. She was going through a divorce (finally settled the divorce in end 2023) with her husband in Japan. She claimed that she divorced her husband as he was an alcoholic. She had relocated to SG in early 2022 with her 3 children to start afresh. She found a job in the finance sector working in the CBD area in end 2022.

She had her wild days in uni. After she found out that her bf cheated on her in uni, she started to sleep around with many guys (all of whom were foreigners (white-men)) for about 2 years. She finally decided to stop when she matched with a guy (also a white man) on a dating app and they dated for a few months before they broke up. She started working in the finance sector in Japan, where she later met and married her then-husband (Japanese), with whom they had 3 children.

After she and I matched on the dating app, we met for the first time and immediately clicked. She knew that I was married. We went on for more dates. I was attracted to her physically, emotionally and mentally.

The first time we ever had sex was in my car. It was my first time doing it in the car. I don’t know if it is generalization of Japanese women or just her, but her body was simply amazing. I have had my share of chionging many girls but she is simply the best by far. Perhaps it was also the emotions and deep conversations that we shared other than the physical act. Her body was perfect to me. She has such a slim waist, b cup boobs, small perky nipples, smooth skin all over, delicate fingers and toes, large eyes, thick black hair, fine facial features, and very demure as you would imagine a Japanese woman is. Her sex skills are out of this world. She is very very very wet down there, easily squirts when I rub my penis against her pussy. I have to prepare lots of tissue whenever we have sex in my car. Despite her wild days in uni, her pussy looks as though she is a virgin. She mutters out “kimochi” and other Japanese terms when we do it. She lets me cum in her mouth. She is everything you see in Japanese AV videos. All sorts of positions. In missionary position she looks at me with her large innocent eyes and puts her hand at her mouth. She asks me to choke her sometimes. In doggy she asks me to hold her hand and pump her hard. After first round of sex and resting, she eats my dick to make me hard for sex again. The maximum sex we had in a day was 6 times in a hotel.

One of the kinkiest sex we had was in the backseat of my car, with her 1.5 year old daughter seated in the front passenger seat. Another time was in her house in her bedroom, with the same daughter clapping us on as we passionately made love.

Sex was her was crazy good. And I guess that was the main reason I continued to take the risk to see her, despite her character flaws. She was needy sometimes, yet other times she would take a long time to reply messages. She asked questions about my wife and I and would be disturbed by it. I understood her anguish as she wanted me to herself. She didn’t want me to divorce my wife and accepted this fact. She just wanted to spend time with me instead of with my family.

Afterwards, we broke off. One month after the break up, she texted me again all of a sudden. We began to meet again, but broke off again. Later I texted her and we started to meet again. But broke off, again. It was a final break for about 2 months. When she texted me suddenly. We met again. Incidentally, I found out that she was already seeing another guy. We then broke up because I told her to focus on the guy and I would do the same with my family. I was guessing that she was sleeping with the guy but wanted me around as a back up. She said it was only fair that she could do what I was doing. Meaning she could see other people while I enjoyed the company of my wife and her. Then one day, during New Year’s Day, she texted me happy new year. I replied her back and that was it.

What do you guys think? I really crave for sex with her because no other girl I have tried on sbf can match her, not even close. If I were to rekindle with her, it would only be just for sex. Isn’t this kind of arrangement like an open relationship, meaning she see other guys including me? Even though she says it’s only me. But I highly doubt it. She has even gone overseas with that guy. I am guessing they broke up. But who knows they will patch up again given her volatile dating history. But the feeling and knowledge of her being close to other guys just pains me so much. And I don’t want to share my body with other guys. She often shares with me her she gets picked up by men in the streets, by uncles, by younger men, her colleagues. In the other hand I’m tried of her extreme mood swings and disrespectful attitude towards me just becuase I’m married. I acknowledge that I’m wrong too. So I’m ready to just give her up and stop everything we had. The images of having intimate times with her still lingers in my head but seeing her is risky too, that I lose my family and reputation.

Bro, what you just said is a "fomo" mindset. Fear Of Missing Out . You don't want to miss this because you are going through one of the best experiences in your life with her.

Your small head is taking over now. Even if someone advice you to leave her, I doubt you will listen.

I suggest you focus on your kids and family unless you want get yourself into a situation which you drift away from them.

However, if you can still balance your time with her and your family, by all means continue. Bear in mind you are asking the question here because you are not spending enough time with her. She is human and needs affection. I don't think you 2 will last. (I don't think you will leave your family for her right?)

Last but not least. Since this is SBF, I am sure people will ask you for contacts. Good luck!

[thisisme]

Bro, I was in the same situation before.
But I chose to gave up because I can’t keep up with her ‘swing’.
We had great times together for more than 10 yrs.
broke off and patch back many times. I think the sex is the only thing that brings us back together. But after sometimes, she started her mood again.
Then stop seeing each other, then back again have sex. Then again and again.
In the end, I finally gave up.
I think I have better things to do elsewhere.
Cheers 👍

[bpafree39]

Bro forgive me for being frank, but I think you already have the answer.

[MDZY85]

You are the envy of many here to taste such a hot lady but the after taste is not that sweet after all. Too much emotional aftershock, if you just need assurance for us here, I guess many would tell u to cut off from her.

[ahdee]

The question is not what should you do.. but what do you wanna do?
Was on a similar boat but also sink and didn’t reach the shore. Like many bros say, you already have the answer.

[Nelsonlim]

I think you are right, that it is in her nature. It could be due to her upbringing and family issues. I won’t say much about her family to keep her identity a secret. Like you said, it is indeed very exhausting. She did mention to keep things simple, meaning no emotions involved, just physical sex. But I don’t think I want to be involved with her flings with other men. Thanks.

Originally Posted by RiverStyx

Had one of those, great good sex, terrible temperament and attitude, but very sweet and endearing when in the mood.

The exhaustion after one of those mood swings just not worth it.
The mood swings is not due to not having you, it is her nature.
Things will only get worse.

Hands off before the burn happens.

[crazymani]

So in the app, you are looking for? a fling? or?

I mean does she knows that you are married when you guys matched up in the app? Is she looking for any guy to date or? or just a fling?

[Nelsonlim]

Yes. I should focus on my own family as we are happy and contented. The Japanese lady doesnt expect me to leave my family for her. She just wants to spend more time together, which is hard to do so especially on weekends. Yes I don’t think she and I will last, just wondering if I shioild end now or see how long we can go, or is it even worth the effort. Thanks.

Originally Posted by Laker

Bro, what you just said is a "fomo" mindset. Fear Of Missing Out . You don't want to miss this because you are going through one of the best experiences in your life with her.

Your small head is taking over now. Even if someone advice you to leave her, I doubt you will listen.

I suggest you focus on your kids and family unless you want get yourself into a situation which you drift away from them.

However, if you can still balance your time with her and your family, by all means continue. Bear in mind you are asking the question here because you are not spending enough time with her. She is human and needs affection. I don't think you 2 will last. (I don't think you will leave your family for her right?)

Last but not least. Since this is SBF, I am sure people will ask you for contacts. Good luck!

[Nelsonlim]

I think ultimately just looking for a fling, see who I meet and see how it goes from there. I never expected how things would turn out with this Japanese lady, just see how it goes. For her, she told me before that she isn’t looking for someone to marry, just someone to love her and keep her company. She claims she doesn’t want to go back to her past where she had flings in uni, but I’m not certain about that.

Originally Posted by crazymani

So in the app, you are looking for? a fling? or?

I mean does she knows that you are married when you guys matched up in the app? Is she looking for any guy to date or? or just a fling?

[Nelsonlim]

Yes I understand that it is rare to meet such a fine lady. I probably won’t have much chance to meet someone like her again. But I’m just wondering to enjoy it while it last or end it immediately. The effort is just too tiring.

Originally Posted by MDZY85

You are the envy of many here to taste such a hot lady but the after taste is not that sweet after all. Too much emotional aftershock, if you just need assurance for us here, I guess many would tell u to cut off from her.

[Nelsonlim]

Wow 10 years is a long time. The only reason I’m contemplating is because sex with her is too good. I don’t get to have raw sex with other gals on sbf (I’ve stopped since meeting her), and have that emotional connection with flings. She isn’t materialistic like other sugar babies I’ve met.

Originally Posted by thisisme

Bro, I was in the same situation before.
But I chose to gave up because I can’t keep up with her ‘swing’.
We had great times together for more than 10 yrs.
broke off and patch back many times. I think the sex is the only thing that brings us back together. But after sometimes, she started her mood again.
Then stop seeing each other, then back again have sex. Then again and again.
In the end, I finally gave up.
I think I have better things to do elsewhere.
Cheers 👍

[Millenium]

Originally Posted by Nelsonlim

But I’m just wondering to enjoy it while it last or end it immediately. The effort is just too tiring.

That is your answer

[MachX]

You already had it.

You have nothing to lose if you end it now, but a lot to risk if it goes on.
You're not only married but also with kids.