Divorcing a VN Gal - Bros, pls advise

[kumone]

Hi bros,

Need advice abt divorcing VN gal. I'll provide brief info abt the case & appreciate bros who can advise/provide contact to an experienced lawyer who had dealt with such cases.

My cousin (mid-40s) married a VN gal via marriage agency in SIN 3+ yrs back. Gal is from Hai Phong & 25 yrs old. I was the one who introduce him to this agency 'cos he was my fren & I was helping him out as he was starting this agency at tat time. The marriage was smooth-going. 4 mths later, she got pregnant. Things were going on OK for them - she's not those type demanding $$ & materialistic stuff. But like any story/drama, there's always something unfortunate. This 'unfortunate' thing happened to them was my cousin's mum. She's (early 70s) always nagging at her, suspicious of her, etc. In fact my cousin's wife told me & my wife abt this. We try to console & pacify her saying MIL is old & just tolerate for a few more yrs. Anyway by the time the baby is born, she (VN wife) will b busy wif baby.....

2 mths later (Feb 07) his wife told my cousin on a Sat morning she's goin to a birthday party of a VN gf (3 of them came to SIN same time & got married). My cousin said OK & gave her $50 & went to work. She went wif VN frens at abt 10am & didn't return by late afternoon. My aunt called me to tell me his wife has not returned since 10am. I initially thought maybe they need to spend more time together after settling down in SIN. By 6pm, my cousin tried calling her fren's mobile but phone was off. He then suspect something was amiss & began checking her stuff. The passport was gone along wif some jewellery given to her during wedding ceremony. I called my agency fren to tell him abt this & he said it was not his 'responsibility' anymore! Till this day I suspect he knew abt her plan to return to VN. My cousin's wife aunt is the VN agent working wif my fren introducing him the gals from Hai Phong. I met up wif my cousin tat nite & advise him to file a missing person police report after 10am next day (giving her 24 hrs to return home in case she's still in SIN). Next morning, still no news from her, proceeded to file Police Report.

A couple of days later, my cousin got a call from his wife & said she'd returned to VN 'cos couldn't tolerate my cousin's mum. She borrowed $ from frens to buy the airticket & in fact one of her frens (wif her SIN hubby) accompanied her back. My cousin was very dissappointed 'cos the wedding dinner was arranged the next wk. He had to explain to frens abt the cancellation, negotiate wif restaurant, etc. My cousin was also at a lost but still carry on wif his life/work. 3 wks later, Police confirmed his wife left SIN on tat Sat morning & case is closed. Wife called him now & then (1/2 time/mth) to update abt baby & herself. My cousin in fact told her if she's prepared to return to SIN, he's OK wif it. Time passed..... she gave birth to baby boy....still called my cousin now & then. BTW, my cousin didn't send $ back. He insisted he'll support them only when they're in SIN.

Then last year ('09) June, she called my cousin saying she wants to be in SIN 'cos child needs a father & she finds it hard to support the child. My cousin agreed & make necessary arrangements (renting room as he didn't want to stay wif mum to prevent a recurrence, etc.). I was in VN & told my cousin it would be better for him to meet her in VN & bring them back. Reasons:
(1) Find out why she wants to come back to SIN after 2-yr lapse? She could have done tat before child was born. What was her real intention now?
(2) If he accepted the reason for (1), then it's advisable to accompany her thru the SIN immigration as he had made a Police Report & Immigration would questioned her abt why she left SIN for 2 yrs, etc. It would be good if he's there to explain together wif the original Marriage Cert.

In fact, she asked my cousin to go to Hai Phong. But I strongly advised him not to meet her in there 'cos the place is famous for extreme gansterism & murders. He would be deadmeat if things dun turn up well there. So, it's better for him to meet in HCMC. I'm working in HCMC & quite familiar wif the place & people. So we arranged to meet in HCMC. Pick them up at TSN Airport. Tat nite arranged dinner at a restaurant. Then I noticed her mobile rang non-stop. She answered a few calls briefly..then the SMS came in non-stop again. I can roughly make up some of her calls. The calls/SMS still come in now & then. I suspect the calls were from b/f in Hai Phong. Next morning, I asked my cousin if those calls & SMS were coming in during the night & he said yes. He also asked her who called & she said it was from her friends & relatives.

Anyway, she said she's working in a toy factory & the child was in a child care center. I think bullshit 'cos in VN, the wages for a factory job is abt 1M, even wif OT, max is 1.5M & in Hai Phong, it'll b less than tat. For a child care center, even those unlicensed type is abt 1M/mth. How to support the child? Anyway her grooming/dressing shows her standard of living is above average type. My suspicion is either some man is supporting her or she's working in shady joints (bier om). So I told my cousin not to return to SIN immediately. I'll arrange for my personal asst (who speaks good english) to translate for them when we meet the next day. I advised my cousin to clarify every matters before return to SIN 'cos it'll be more complicated in SIN.

The next day, I arranged for 'meeting' at Ya Kun Cafe near Nguyen Trai St. My cousin asked a few questions to establish & confirm some facts. And BTW, her mobile rang/SMS non-stop as usual every 15mins or so. It was during the conversation she learnt from my PA tat I had been in VN for almost 2 yrs and she looked a bit panicky. Dun noe why? After my cousin done the talking, he asked her if she has anything to say/clarify before returning to SIN?

Now the 'true colors' are exposed....... Her initial request is she wants to work in SIN!!! My cousin explained: (a) it's hard to get job in SIN as she's VN & speaks very limited Cantonese & Chinese; (b) if she's working, who's going to look after child as they're staying on thier own? She insisted she wants to work & my cousin can hire maid to look after child. What a joke! My cousin explained even if she gets a job, her salary would not be enough to offset hiring of maid. Also my cousin have to incur additional expenses of >$1K/mth for rental of room & expenses. So my cousin asked why she needed money? She said she's to support her mother & bro in VN. But my cousin said this has n'ver occured before they got married. This goes on for a couple of mins & her face changed...mayb she can converse in VN which makes her more expressive than yesterday.

Then finally she asked a naive or stupid question. She asked my PA how much $ can she get if they divorce in SIN!!!! I was shocked by this question. So was my PA & cousin. With this shocking question, my cousin concluded the discussion. Then we went back to the hotel. I then had coffee wif my cousin & asked him what r his plans? He said his wife has no intention of settling down as a family in SIN. Her plan is to step foot in SIN first, then get a job whether legal or illegal. Until my cousin cannot tahan anymore, he'll ask for divorce & she'll get the max compensation using SIN law. In VN, it's hard to fight the case as she needs lots of $$. I told my cousin I think it's quite true what he thinks of her plan here. What's next - to bring her back to SIN or not? I leave the decision to my cousin as it's a decision he's to make. He said...."NO!" I told him tat he made a wise decision as things would b very complicated when they returned to SIN. They were scheduled to leave the next day for SIN. My cousin didn't tell her of his decision tat he'll not bring them back to SIN immediately 'cos he's afraid she might do some stupid things. My cousin then inform her of his decision the next morning & said she was not really surprised!! She just mentioned she has no $ returning home. I told my cousin to buy her an airticket to Hai Phong & gave her whatever $ he's left. My cousin gave her SGD2000 + airticket. When I waited for my cousin at the hotel lobby, his wife didn't even come down to bid farewell to him!! I can confirm she's got no more feelings for him as a husband. She must b frantically making calls home or she must be happy in a way that she's not leaving her b/f in Hai Phong to SIN... whatever.

It's been >3.5 yrs since they registered at ROM. She's officially missing for >3 yrs after Police Report was made. Recently my cousin called a few legal firms to enquire abt the divorce process for such a case. Called abt 5 firms & they told him to proceed like a "normal" divorce procedure....meaning he've to ask wife to sign the papers, etc. And if the wife would want to fight it out legally, she can do so here in SIN. So in other words, he has to spend a huge bomb to finalize the procedure. I remember I read somewhere in this forum there's a "auto divorce" process for spouses missing (ran away) for more than 3 yrs. So bros, I need ur help to advise my cousin if you'd experienced such similar cases (from friends/relatives/colleagues). I would also appreciate if you could give me contacts of lawyers who are familiar wif such cases. My cousin fear is he needs to fork out huge legal $$ & compensation $$. BTW, my cousin is a blue-collar worker wif <3K/mth.

I'm not asking bros here for moral of the story. I'm also not asking for comments on who's right, who's wrong. Such unfortunate thing had happened & my cousin needs to move forward. FYI, his wife had not called him since last met in HCMC abt 7 mths ago.

So bros, pls give useful advise/contacts..... I believe my cousin will also appreciate it truly. Sorry for the long-winded story. Gong Xi Fa Cai & Wan Shi Ru Yi to all bros here. Hope you find prosperity, luck & health in the next lunar yr of the Tiger.... Thanks!!!

[ChinhPhu]

Dear friend,
After reading your cousin long story I am really saddened by it. Let me share my story with you first because my story is about the same. I am sure some of the friends here may have heard of the ‘dumped by pregnant vietnam bride’ story that happened last year somewhere in July/August. Yes, I am the victim and I just joined this forum but I never post. The story is same because it is also go back vietnam and not returning for no good reason.
Same like your cousin, my case is even ridiculous: married for two months only and just disappeared! I am also preparing for divorce so saving the money. I am left with bitterness and sadness despite me and my family treated her well. Even the consulate in Embassy of Singapore HCM had contacted her but she just refused to give reason and said don’t want to come back Singapore anymore. I ponder and think and for the past few months was letting time passed by healing my disappoinment. I ponder why is it an agent coming out such heartless girl? It is not from JC or KTV! So isn’t it dangerous that the agent is lawfully opening business and is up to those desperado to step into it? Once bussiness done 'liao liao'. For my case I lost money on the agent fee and her and same like your cousin, the agent just say not their problem when the ‘lady’ is out. I am hoping all Singaporean men should all get a hankbook warning them the ‘potential side effect’. What I means was, why was TimeShare not easy to con money nowadays? It is because lots of reporting in the net and every body contributing the bits and thus form an awareness. And I am sure friends out there who remember the story knows who's the agent.
OK, for my case is already 7 months passed. So most likely I will need to wait a bit longer. End of Dec last year, I SMS this ungrateful girl and her father. She SMS straight away back agreed to divorce and ‘ky ten’, sign name. Of course I wouldn’t be surprise as she already got her taste of ‘money’ in Singapore and I am sure the 'cheated' money won’t last long. So quite ‘in the same boat’ as your cousin.
For your cousin case, seems like it is complicated because of the baby involved. For me, I got a SMS from her ‘neighbour’ that she aborted the baby immediately when I went back Singapore, and I hope it is true because without the baby things will be simpler (just get rid of her wll do). And I will be 40 this year so your cousin is a little older then me.
In my opinion, I think there is no need to feel sorrows for this kind of wife. Once people doesn’t love each other anymore, they can find tons of excuses to say this and that no good. I would say ‘severe it with the sword’. What I heard from some consulting is that if got baby, she is entitled to ‘maintaince money’ no thanks to the XXX Woman Chartered in Sinagapore. Your cousin may have been ‘psycho’ by somebody or found some ‘ngoui yeu’ in vietnam, that’s what I guessed. Since your cousin wife deserted him for 3+ years, it is good ground for your cousin to file divorce. I also do not think ‘need to fork out huge legal fees’ because for desertion, it is as good and saying she dumped the husband. It is the Judge decision to order how much to pay the ‘monthly fee’ for the baby based on your cousin salary. If can fight for child custody that is even better but think legal fees is unavoidable.
I am not a lawyer but this is what I found from net and a retired PPT. As for me, I don’t give a damn to such kind of heartless woman. I let her go and I heard she went Taiwan to become chicken. I will never never let her return again! Woman can be heartless, so do man can be cruel. In chinese it says: rather let the jade break, don’t want it to be piece together. Please let your cousin know he is not alone!

[ChinhPhu]

Forget to add that if you want to have the retired PPT number to get more information, please reply me. He is 60+ but does not look old and helpful. He also married a vietnam wife, but he is rich. Maybe can recommend you a good lawyer.

[BBlick]

Interesting story, why in first your cousin want to marry a VN girl almost 20y younger? sorry not familiar with the staff so no advice.

BTW, advise is verb and you should use ADVICE instead in the title

[BS07]

this case, dun need to divorce la, find a good lawyer can file to annul the marriage
as long as she is not in sg, not possible to fight the case at all

[sammyboyfor]

My advice is simple, straightforward and always wise.... KEEP AWAY from all these sluts.

[kumone]

Thanks to all bros for inputs. Appreciate it.

Bro ChinhPhu, pls PM me the contact and I'll pass it to my cousin to see if he wants to seek advice from him.

BTW, this is the 2nd time he was duped... and by the same agency...& of course my so-called fren.

The 1st time was not so complicated as the ROM papers weren't signed. So he asked the agent to just send the gal back to VN. And the gal was HIGHLY recommended by my fren....what a joke...he told me he specially reserved her for my cousin. No refund of fees! As a 'favor', my agent fren said that he will recommend another VN gal (which is this wife) for another 2K.

As mentioned, my cousin called 5 legal firm but what they told him put him off. Some of them mentioned that they have to contact the gal in VN, put up some notice in their national newspapers, fly her in (if she wants to contest the case), etc. So the cost for this case will be much higher (at least twice) than if the wife is in SIN.

That's y I need bros' help here for contact of any experienced lawyers who had seen such cases to give a rather good estimate of the cost and the implications.

Thanks....

[DDking]

Maybe you should expose this agent's company and information, and warn fellow friends to not engage his services

[ChinhPhu]

Hi, the issues here is we are dealling with an agent that open business, and MCYS just grant them license every year. The agent is claimed legal and for my case, this taiwan 'bai ka' has no sympathy and bring out another girl saying 'she is virgin and should be no problem'. I straight away walk off. We know there are plenty of cons, but such kind of marriage cons still not many bros are not aware of. If marriage turns out well, he will say his agent so good. But not well, he will say 'not my problem. When making love, do you couple think of him.....'.
I read the divorce procedure from Suborbinate Court website for divorce, that to fulfill the the requirements, if separation/desertion for 4years then not even required to sign. So unless your cousin plan to marry soon again, then he will have to do it now. I think the reason why she call up your cousin after 2 years is because money is used up. And life down there in VN is certainly 'kho'. Lawyer fee 'bo pian' have to pay else lawyer no bonus, sillypore is like that.
Good luck and have PM you.

[Hacks]

Originally Posted by BBlick

BTW, advise is verb and you should use ADVICE instead in the title.

TS is right.

[RJ2004]

Originally Posted by kumone

As mentioned, my cousin called 5 legal firm but what they told him put him off. Some of them mentioned that they have to contact the gal in VN, put up some notice in their national newspapers, fly her in (if she wants to contest the case), etc. So the cost for this case will be much higher (at least twice) than if the wife is in SIN.

That's y I need bros' help here for contact of any experienced lawyers who had seen such cases to give a rather good estimate of the cost and the implications.

Thanks....

its really how you present the case in court, if no one is contesting the case then much easier. the lawyers should know how to go about it. firstly, deny means of contact in vietnam. proof of trying to search for her is a must, but vietnam so big and not many locals read newspaper, just find one less circulated newspaper and advert a small missing person piece. do NOT fly her in; unless the child is not your cousin's then if she is here very complicated to fight already.

[Max77]

May i speak a few humble sentence?...

1) everybody got needs, some guys need a young and beautiful wife to satisfy his fetish; some gals need rich husband to get out of poverty. For a marriage to last, both party should either make clear or identify the objective of the marriage. Easier said than done ofcoz.

2) if we put aside TS's assumption of his cousin's wife having a bf back in her hometown, it's quite normal to hav relatives and family members showing concern toward someone who they loved who 'cannot-take-it-and-return-to-hometown'. Calls and smses to ask for update whether she got mental breakdown from meeting her husband sound really very normal to me. IF i'm in her plight, getting some support from my MALE acquaintances is normal. For i'm alone and helpless in a country of much crimes.

3) overall i believed TS's cousin got overreacted from the whole issue (not to mention over-suspicious of someone he pledged to love and protect). So many guys confronted ONE gal who had suffered so much, wad outcome do u aspect? IF she's planning to play such trick right in the beginning, will she ask such question like 'how much can i get if i divorce in SIN?'-ofcoz either she's real stupid right from the start which TS's cousin simply don't mind (then it's probably not the 1st time wifey do stupid things ba) or she's really suffering into depression after birth.

Lastly, when negotiation breaks down, who won't be looking at monetary issue? Especially someone from poverty (nice dressing from head to toe not necessary mean well off) and wif a new born baby. Depression is normal for women who goes thru such plight. Everything mentioned and written r jus too biased. TS plse tell ur cousin, without sacrifices, he won't experience true love. If he jus want someone to ease his desire ONLY, might as well stay single, fuck around.

I don't mean to offend anybody, jus wanna state some fair opinion IMHO.

[FireShark]

Dear bro kumone

So sad to hear that your cousin is being cheated in such way but you can get a lawyer easily to anul this marriage because of such situation. In this forum, there a subject regarding Divorce, maybe you can try asking them. For lawyers, there are so many in Singapore, ask for their quotation 1st so that you can compare.

[FireShark]

[QUOTE=kumone;4556372]Hi bros,

! She just mentioned she has no $ returning home. I told my cousin to buy her an airticket to Hai Phong & gave her whatever $ he's left. My cousin gave her SGD2000 + airticket. When I waited for my cousin at the hotel lobby, his wife didn't even come down to bid farewell to him!! I can confirm she's got no more feelings for him as a husband. She must b frantically making calls home or she must be happy in a way that she's not leaving her b/f in Hai Phong to SIN... whatever.

QUOTE]

Why give her SGD 2K??? Since she doesn't want your cousin anymore additionally, he got no obligation to take care of her.

what if few yrs later, she use the child as an excuse for more $$$

[adonis]

Originally Posted by ChinhPhu

Hi, the issues here is we are dealling with an agent that open business, and MCYS just grant them license every year. The agent is claimed legal and for my case, this taiwan 'bai ka' has no sympathy and bring out another girl saying 'she is virgin and should be no problem'. I straight away walk off. We know there are plenty of cons, but such kind of marriage cons still not many bros are not aware of. If marriage turns out well, he will say his agent so good. But not well, he will say 'not my problem. When making love, do you couple think of him.....'.

Hi ChinhPhu n TS. I feel sorry for you both. Yes I met the abovementioned Vietnamese bride agent before only briefly. I know this guy but I don't know if he's reliable or responsible. I don't know any good lawyers. In a divorce usually it's the lawyers who benefit.