Does this apply to you?

[maxpee88]

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/5-qualities...080015656.html

Hi Folks,
I read this and thought I threw this out to SBF and get comments and feedback.

Do you think you can relate to this and if this applies?

I am asking because lately, I have been a 'comforting counsellor' to my friend who's been my real good buddy from Pre-U days through our working lives and till now.

He married late as much of his earlier years he was so focused on building his career. I did meet his wife (at that time, he was dating her into the 2nd year). He asked me what I thought. I had misgivings but regretted not saying a word as I saw he was so happy and in love with her.

They got married on their 3rd year of dating. Now that I think back, their 2nd year of dating BEFORE THEY GOT MARRIED, was when there were some cracks. My buddy told me he felt smothered. He had to report his every move to her and she would call and ask where he was. (not a good sign).

One incident occurred during a drinking session and my buddy said he suspected his gf had some one spy on him. All of us guys told him he was paranoid. But I had then started out my own side business in counter-surveillance and offered to help pro bono. In fact, I owed him because it made my current business very good as my tactics employed and what I taught him worked like a operations manual. He found out that indeed he was being followed by a PI firm. And the PI firm did not even know they were discovered. (But that's a real good reference which I save to tell my customers on our proven CST strategies). It was sad that he stopped us from going further to find out of WHO Hired the PI. He said it was obvious. I told him, sometimes the obvious IS NOT the obvious. But he was shocked, and asked that I stop even though I done it Pro Bono.

My buddy's wife had all #1, #4, and #5 of the written article. It was a telling sign. But my buddy chose to ignore it in the name of love.

They are married and still are for over 5 years now. But lately my buddy feels fed-up because she's always pushing him to give more of himself into the relationship than she does. She puts her own interests above his all the time. I don't wish to talk more of his problems. He is not aware I posted this out on SBF.

Anyway, I just wanted to find out from Bros if you read this article and does it apply to you too?

[scorpionnn]

Actually what's mentioned is pretty true. I'd prefer a lady who's not "sticky".

I experienced something like your buddy's wife once. I went out drinking with some buddies (and I don't drink or even go out often at that time, less than 5 times a year). The moment I left home, she'd keep calling me every 30mins - 1 hour, asking what time I'll be done, and even in a way, commanded me to be done by certain time, she'll be at that location to pick me home. Its quite irritating actually. I got so fed up, we changed pub, I switched off my phone, and we quarreled the next day, with her accusing me of being guilty having slept around, that's why my phone was off.

That was the last straw and I told her, we should go seperate ways, I'm not her type of "command and conquer" type of bf nor slave.

[maxpee88]

Originally Posted by scorpionnn

Actually what's mentioned is pretty true. I'd prefer a lady who's not "sticky".

I experienced something like your buddy's wife once. I went out drinking with some buddies (and I don't drink or even go out often at that time, less than 5 times a year). The moment I left home, she'd keep calling me every 30mins - 1 hour, asking what time I'll be done, and even in a way, commanded me to be done by certain time, she'll be at that location to pick me home. Its quite irritating actually. I got so fed up, we changed pub, I switched off my phone, and we quarreled the next day, with her accusing me of being guilty having slept around, that's why my phone was off.

That was the last straw and I told her, we should go seperate ways, I'm not her type of "command and conquer" type of bf nor slave.

Bro
Thank you for sharing

It's amazing, because your episode mirrors the ones my buddy faced. AND THAT's LIKE BEFORE THEY EVEN GOT MARRIED.

My buddy made the mistake of passing her his car, when we were all having a guys night out at Roberston Quay to watch a EPL game back in those years. His phone was like non-stop sms from her. And then later, one guy who went out for a smoke, came back in and told my buddy, he saw his car parked along the road.

We all thought he was joking, but I said I wanted to see for myself and we all told him not to move and go outside.
Sure enough, my buddy's car was parked along the road side parking. And no one was there. I told him.
We all tried to look around to see if his GF was inside the pub spying on us. But couldn't see her.

Needless to say, 2nd half game for my buddy was totally spoilt. He wanted to go home liao.
But he stayed on after we all told him, why go back and sulk, might as well enjoy with the guys, since we are all just watching the game.
He agreed.

I never asked him what happened. BUt I am sure he was damn pissed.
She made him lose face in front of the guys like he cannot be trusted. My poor buddy was so fed up.

[scorpionnn]

haha! Exactly! I feel you man... I feel you... My friends even jokingly commented, since when I became such a girlfriend boy!

Yes, 1 thing is the face value but not 100% importance, but its the second, you'll start asking yourself, are you really that untrustworthy? And it just feels like I've sold myself to her. I was no angel when younger, but I did turn over a new leaf and even proven it to her.

The reply she kept giving me was "I have a notorious background, so don't blame her", and that pissed me further. My thoughts at that point of time was, if she can harp on this now, she will always do it later and gets worse into marriage. I've been through a divorce myself, and I've seen how my ex-wife changed in terms of "control". I am definately not going to put myself into that situation again!

Well now that your buddy had chosen to marry her, I guess the only 2 option now is either to talk it out or bear with it. He can choose to be the "rebellious teen" again, but not advisable for a marriage though.

Its really no fun being in such a relationship, or should I use the word "suffocating"?. In any case, I do wish him all the best.

And to ladies out there, I know not all ladies does that but for those doing it now, please, relationship is not about who's in control or who you think your other half should be hanging out with. We do have "nerdy" friends hanging out with us the "rowdy and ah beng" ones for a drink, but I don't see them changing from their nerdy character 17 years ago. Personal space is very important.

[maxpee88]

Yes, that was the word I was looking for when I was speaking to him last week.

SUFFOCATING. I better write that down when we next talk.

My buddy's world has been turned upside down lately. He's a typical nice boy turn into nice guy. He's very family oriented I think that's because of his own family structure which he grew up from. His wife is the complete opposite.

Yes, you would think the wife would appreciate and know better. She came from a broken home, her mom and dad lived separate lives since when she was a kid. But I don't know much of her and with what updates I can hear from my buddy.

The funny thing is that within our circle of guys, one of the wives described that my buddy's wife as possessive, highly insecure and a "taker". Those words came from another wife - can you believe that? So I guess women are more perceptive and intuitive when it comes to assessing other women.

I could understand the last term " taker". I was visiting - he invited me over for some 'bonding time' as best friends. We often would sit in his 'study room' and literally TCSS all night long. There was one evening, over dinner, she was asking him to buy her this and that... I was thinking to myself that I was glad my wife never came, cos I will hear no end of her comparing how nice his wife was being treated versus her. But that was just the tip of the iceberg... Found out she doesn't spend a single cent of her income to help in household bills, expenses and even joint expenses such as family holidays. So my buddy is the ROBERT. He is the giver and she is the taker.

My buddy is simple. He dressed simple, a casio watch (from school until now can you believe it). His only splurge is his occasional time to buy himself a nice pair of shoes. His wife expects him to buy her expensive presents for birthdays, and anniversaries, and christmas.

One day my buddy tells me, she only buys him dull and boring inexpensive things like she doesn't even know him at all after being married. He gets a tie and wallet for his birthday and Christmas gifts. I laughed and thought he was joking. That to me, just shows his wife is not even interested in knowing what he likes and only cares for herself.

I think he's currently had it already. But I know he will pull himself up and sucked it all in for the sake of the family.

I can't even invite him to go for a guys weekend outing (DAY TIME, not even night time , see how controlled he is under?)

So that's why when I saw this article, I had to post it and ask opinions from fellow bros in SBF.

THANKS

[callmebad]

indeed some women like to control too much and their excuses were because of your past, I regretted telling her about my past because she kept using my past to spite on me, making me every angry

don't quite like the feeling of being so controlled, being watched over like a convict

guys must go out and mingle with other guys so that when any good lobangs come along, the guys may count him in

if no chance to mingle with other guys, just stick to the woman like chewing gum, what's the use, this world is not just you and the woman only, human beings are social creatures, must mix around in order to survive

women don't realize that once they control the guys, indirectly they also tied themselves down with no more time left for themselves to do their own things

I had such experience, after a few months, I told her - enough, you're fired, no more my wife anymore !

[suntzu88]

Relationship is all about giving each other spaces. A couple can be one in spirit yet still be two persons. Trust must be there but it must not be taken for granted and ought to be built up and guarded. Great communications must be the cornerstone of everything we do.

[LovePotion]

I think everybody also once will have this kind of sticky girls, they just very insecure and paranoid about their men. Even though many guys don't like girls like this, i know a few buddies of mine who are actually comforted by the fact that their gfs are so concerned about them, and love them even more for this. I think it depends on the kind of people, like the guy must usually be homely and doesnt have too many friends then the relationship will be good.

For me? I want to fly like a bird in the wind so sticking to me will end up dropping into the ocean eventually

[biozaogeng]

doesn't matter had sex!

[asdfghjkl]

my ex let me watch football with his gang ler.. he trust nothing will happen between me and his friend..

[sane]

He might find her novelty n interesting while the r/s is still young, but giving in too much without proper communication will only strain the r/s especially if there are future issues when 2 people start to stay together.

Will he still want to pamper her like a princess when there r more commitments like house, kids, in laws?

I wrote somewhere this n shall repaste here again..

Y be together when they can't even communicate? If he's really concerned about her, he should tell her the fact/her flaws for her own good.

Someone who can listen, be frank, provide good sound advise, tackles issues n give her a good direction of life.

Marriage n communication is not a one way traffic. Wont the guy feel tired too if there's only one way communication? Give in blindly will only make one lose the respect.

So if both need to make a importance decision, are they able to compromise, understand each other to make a mutual understanding, to grow as a couple? To overcome every obstacles as an couple?

Give in blindly to every wilful whims will only make one lose the respect and to be taken for granted. We want a partner who can, will communicate and not someone who will only YES YES YES.

U can say the gal take advantage blah blah blah.. but it takes two hands to clap.. ur friend got himself to blame for giving in too much too.

[HunterJ]

This thread makes me feel very deep for every word bros & sis said... "being taken for granted", "taker", "possessive", "different family structure", etc... these are thoughts that went through my mind when I had an argument with my loved one. No doubt, I am not married yet, still single but attached.. Yet, I feel deeply for the comments from each one of you..

Thinking back, the years with her was one beautiful journey (I'm still with her, although we agreed to talk about it again some time later..), but in between there are things which threw both of us off our feet, pushing us to the limits because of words and maybe some actions which we deemed is harmless to the other party.

I would like to share that sometimes is not about giving, or taking in the relationship. I have tried to be a giver, and also a taker, but it doesn't work out that way. Relationships are like wheels. Turning and turning around, it doesn't stop, and the cycle keeps repeating itself. Today you are giving to your wife, the next moment when you know it, you wife is giving to you, and it goes on and on...

Just like what bro sane said.... "give in blindly to every willful whims will only make one lose respect and to be taken for granted". I was once this way.. But maybe not anymore. It hurts, yet what can I do???

Anyway, enough of my blabbering.. The female qualities, is actually a basis to follow, not a requirement. We don't find a wife after filling in a form with a checklist of our requirements, do we? I always believe feelings come naturally when you meet the right person.

Better stop here 1st.. lol !

[stillgottheblue]

I agreed when a person told me that in order to know the real self of your other half, you need to visit her/his family and see how he/she interact with them. That will be the way she interact with you next time.

Also knowing someone from a broken family MAY put you at an disadvantage position due to their emotional scars as in TS buddy's case.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not discrediting them. We do bring our baggage when we start a new life with our partner.

WARNING: Giving in blindly may lead to straying and unfaithfulness in relationship purely out of frustrations and loneliness.

[SingerFucker]

Trust is very giving but the concern is once that trust is betrayed, the freedom once given will become a living prison. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss but sometimes believing in giving a benefit of a doubt is nothing short of giving yourself a death sentence.

[monkerfulnite]

Originally Posted by stillgottheblue

I WARNING: Giving in blindly may lead to straying and unfaithfulness in relationship purely out of frustrations and loneliness.

man are spoil of choice now